I always used to think that I’ll not like to marry a pastor. This came from being around men of God and their families a lot because a lot of my older friends who have made great impact in my life are men of God and in that line I have a really good relationship with their families. Now you can imagine my fervent prayer whenever I hang out with their wives and leave to go home for God to please keep every single pastor away from me or anyone who He knows that He’ll call in the future to work in the ministry as a pastor.
It’s not because the wives I know are suffering in their marriages, depressed, or enduring unnecessary pain and wishing for a way to opt out, far from it, these were and are very happily married women who knew what they were getting themselves into, maybe not so much in detail because no one really knows these things but at least they chose to walk that path and a lot of times, most of them are called into the ministry as well.
But what scared me the most about being a pastor’s wife is, first of all, the fact that they pray a lot. They not only have to sit in for their husbands to cover the home spiritually when their husbands are away, but before and during every journey, they’re on their knees praying for their husbands, praying for the ministry, praying for different programs, praying for the members, incessant praying and fasting, I tell you. I’ll be like, what? When do they get to sleep? Is there a time off/out? All these people they pray for, whatever happened to them praying for themselves? And other questions along that line – so all that prayer sessions scared the crap out of me.
Secondly, I don’t like the restrictions that comes with being a pastor’s wife, from the fact that a lot of restrictions are put on a Christian believer alone which seems too much sometimes, to the ones they have to endure from members and church leaders who watch out to make sure that “everyone and everything is in line with the doctrine as it should be” according to their understanding of what social conduct, dressing and mannerism a pastor’s wife should have.
Another scary part is the lack of privacy, having to share your husband and home with the congregation, in fact often times their homes are an open house to all and I wonder how they got the ability to be so accommodating and the ability to absorb a lot of different personalities all the time.
But I’ve come to understand that whether I like it or not, so long as I want to be married to a man that is a Christian who knows who he is in God and understands his role as not just a Christian but also as the spiritual leader and covering in the home, I’ll be marrying a “pastor”, at least to a certain extent even if he’s an engineer by profession, a doctor, a business man, a pharmacist, or something else.
Just as pastor’s wives are always on their knees serving as a cover over their husbands and children, it’s also required of me to be a wife that prays for my husband, our children, his business/career, his family/my family, his purpose, his goals, his dreams, and so on. Also, whether I’m a pastor’s wife or not I believe that it would be to my own advantage if I develop an accommodating and absorbing nature in such a way that his parents, siblings, good friends (old and new), colleagues, casual acquaintances and the like get a feeling of warmth whenever they come around, we visit or we hang out together.
Having said this, I think the average pastor’s wife is either a super strong version of any other wife or just someone good at keeping up appearances and that’s probably why it’s not for me. Cheers to the women who are married to men of the cloth, and the amazing women who are married to men with equally demanding, busy, and sometimes annoying jobs that keep them away from home.
I have a few “interview” type questions for you. Do you think you can marry a pastor? What qualities would you say you have which will help you function well in this ‘role’?
