Home Relationship Sometimes A Loving Relationship Can Easily Become A Love/Hate Relationship

Sometimes A Loving Relationship Can Easily Become A Love/Hate Relationship

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Romantic relationships are never a smooth journey. They are never perfect. They may appear perfect for a while, like when you’re in the honeymoon phase – that magical time when you’re deeply in love and you idealize your partner. But, this apparent perfection stops existing as conflicts, disappointment, dissatisfaction, and arguments occur more frequently.

It appears that many loving relationships can easily become love/hate relationships. Complete withdrawal of affection can then occur and love can very easily turn into feelings of hostility. Once this happens, the relationship begins to oscillate between the polarities of hate and “love” for a few months or even a few years. Many couples become addicted to these polarities since the intensity of the drama makes them feel alive.

However, as soon as a balance between the positive and negative polarities is disturbed and the destructive cycles happen more frequently, it won’t be long before the relationship falls apart.

You may think that if you could somehow eliminate the bad, destructive cycles, things between you and your partner would get better and the relationship would flourish, but that’s impossible. Because these polarities depend on each other. One can’t function without the other.

So, it’s obvious that I’m speaking here of what many commonly refer to as romantic or intimate relationships, not of genuine, everlasting love. Because this kind of love doesn’t have polarities. And it has nothing to do with neediness or addictive clinging.

Yes, “love,” (I’m using quotation marks here because I’m not referring to true love), can sometimes turn into neediness. Into addiction.   

Are you wondering how is this possible?

Well, when you’re “in love” with your partner, you feel whole. You feel alive. Your life has all of a sudden become meaningful since someone wants you, needs you, and showers you with attention and affection, and you do the same for them. The relationship makes you feel emotionally fulfilled and complete. And this feeling can become so intense and powerful that the rest of the world appears unimportant to you.

This is how you become addicted to your partner. They act like a drug on you. You feel “high” when the drug is available for you to use, but even the thought that your partner might not be there for you anymore can lead to possessiveness, intense jealousy, and attempts at manipulation via accusing and emotional blackmail.

If your partner ends the relationship with you, this can bring about the deepest despair or the most bitter hostility. In the blink of an eye, your “love” and affection can turn into deep, inconsolable grief or vicious attack. So, where’s the love now? Or was it really love in the first place, or only neediness and addictive clinging?

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