Getting over a crush is not always easy, but with time and patience, you can learn how to stop having a crush on someone.
Having a crush can really just drive you nuts sometimes. Even though you may not know this person well, you can’t stop thinking about them and it could be getting in the way of your everyday life. If you’ve been feeling this way, you’re ready to learn how to stop having a crush on someone, and move on!
Whether this person is involved with someone, is an inappropriate choice, or isn’t interested in you, you can stop a crush in its tracks. All you need is a bit of focus.
Why you need to stop having a crush on someone
As I mentioned, crushes can be overwhelming. And although you may think it is harmless to garner feelings for someone, a crush can get out of hand, especially if this is a person you can’t pursue.
Perhaps they are in a relationship, are your boss, or just not a logical match for you; in that case you need to actively stop having a crush in order to move on with your life. It sounds hard, but it doesn’t have to be.
How to stop having a crush on someone
Having control over your feelings is not always easy. A crush sometimes comes and goes on its own terms, and you just can’t do anything about it. But if you know ending this crush is the best thing for you, it is time to take action.
#1 Actively stop thinking about them. How do you do this? Similar to getting over a break up, when your ex crosses your mind, you change your train of thought. You have to do the same thing here.
When you realize you are staring, thinking about them, or wanting to text them, change the subject in your mind. Watch a TV show, get some work done, or call a friend. You can train your brain to distract itself from your crush and pretty soon it will stop all on its own.
#2 Be logical. Yes, love is not always logical, but this by definition is not love. It is a crush. That means logic and reason can overrule it. Instead of lusting after this person, remind yourself of why you are trying to stop having a crush on them.
Are they your friend’s ex? Are they your boss? Make sure this reason is always at the forefront of your mind when they are around.
#3 Take off your rose colored glasses. Crushing on someone gives you this beautiful view of them where they can do no wrong. You tend to only see their best qualities when you have feelings for someone, even just surface level ones.
Instead of focusing on their love for animals and soft flowy hair, remind yourself of their worst qualities. Did they cheat on their ex? Are they shallow? Do they have bad breath? All of these things might seem small individually, but all together there are a lot of negatives and red flags to avoid.
#4 Make a pro/con list. If thinking of the negative things about your crush isn’t cutting it, make a pro and con list. Think of what you like about them and what you don’t. Also think about the positives of being together and the negatives. Likely the cons will come out stronger and reaffirm your need to stop this crush.
#5 Give yourself space. If your crush is someone in your friend group, try to create some space between you two. This can be difficult, especially if your crush is someone you work with or see regularly, but until you dissolve your feelings spending time together could potentially make things worse.
Try to avoid them when possible, but otherwise keep things professional and light. Avoid flirting, and if you need to, even avoid eye contact because that is where a lot of chemistry and feelings can form. [Read: Falling for your best friend? Here’s why it’s best you back away right now]
#6 Get it all out. When you have a crush, all you want to do is talk about that person, but continuing to do so only keeps them fresh in your mind. So vent to a trusted friend and get it all out at once. Talk about your frustration, your plan for moving on, and then let it go.
Don’t bottle it up, but let it all out so you can take the next step.
#7 Be patient. When you’re trying to figure how to stop having a crush on someone and move on, you need to keep in mind that getting over someone, even a crush is not instant. It won’t happen overnight and you can’t just will your feelings to go away because you want them to. Just like anything worthwhile, it will take some time.
Trust the process. Trust that you are doing your best to distract yourself and keep your thoughts and actions in check. Only time will tell when you have truly stopped having a crush on someone. [Read: 10 signs you’re love sick and 10 more ways to get out of it]
#8 Go out. You do not have to go out on dates in order to get over your crush. That can actually have negative effects if you still have feelings for them. Instead go out with friends, try some new activities, and simply see where that takes you.
Moving on too quickly can throw you right back to your crush and be unfair to whoever you’re dating. But being open to meeting new people in a platonic environment is a great way to remind yourself that there are plenty of great people out there.
#9 Unfollow them. Unfollowing someone on social media can seem harsh, but if that is what you need to stop thinking about your crush, then do it. Now you do not have to block them or unfriend, most apps have an option for you to simply mute them so that their life moments don’t pop up in your feed.
This does not have to be permanent, but can prevent you from back peddling on your crush when they post a cute selfie.
#10 Say no. This goes hand in hand with avoiding them, but it can be difficult to decline an invitation from your crush. You don’t want to be rude, but when you still have feelings, this could be a dangerous game.
Politely decline any invitations to spend time together until your feelings are under control.
#11 Ask for help. As I said earlier, a crush can be overwhelming. That means even though you know you should avoid them, your feelings might not let you think rationally. If you notice this happening, ask a friend for help.
If your crush is someone you work with, ask a trusted coworker to step in when they see you giving into temptation. Or have a friend text you every so often to remind you that you are trying to move on.
#12 Worry about you. Take some time for you. Instead of focusing on your crush or even worrying about how to stop having a crush on someone, focus on yourself. Go for a trip to the spa. Go shopping. Do something you love to do.
This can be a hobby like fishing or even binging Netflix. Not only will this give you a little boost of happiness, but it might just help to remind you that you love spending time with you. Being single doesn’t have to suck. So enjoy it.
#13 Consider dating. At this point, there may still be some residual feelings, but hopefully your crush is no longer taking over your mind. You may not be ready to throw yourself into the dating pool just yet, but it is time to think about it.
Are you prepared to go on dates? Are you interested in meeting someone else? Are you trying to make your almost former crush jealous or are you truly open to liking someone else?
#14 Write it down. If you really can’t shake the last remaining feelings you have for your crush, write them down. Write a letter to your crush expressing all your feelings. Tell them how hard it has been to get over them and get it all out on paper.
Then throw it out. You can burn the letter, throw it in the garbage, or keep it in the back of your file cabinet. But do NOT send it. There is a reason you are trying to stop having a crush. This exercise is purely to aid in your mental and emotional state. This lets you release all your feelings without the fall out or repercussions.
#15 Actually date. Hopefully all these steps on how to stop having a crush on someone have helped to get this crush out of your system. Now you can work on forming a new crush, preferably on someone available. So download a dating app, ask a friend to set you up, or what have you.
It can be hard to figure out how to stop having a crush on someone, but you can do it and move on for good. All you need is a bit of practice, patience, and persistence.