Can you still remember your wedding vows? I guess at the point you were reciting them to your partner, you meant every word of it but never understood that it was going to be a mix of ups and downs. Marriage can be said to be hard and takes commitment from both partners to make it work.
Have you been fighting lately? Do you see your marriage going steadily on the path of divorce already? Do you want those good old days back? Every marriage goes through the fire sometimes and at this point, it takes more than love to get it back on course especially when several issues come onboard. Love is never enough to solve marital problems.
Is your marriage on the brink of failing? How did you get to this point? I know how It can be especially when kids are involved, but I will like to let you know that divorce isn’t the only option, and you shouldn’t make it an option too. There are a host of other options available.
So many who left their marriages are no happier than when they were in their relationships, so what does that tell you? Some are currently separated yet living in regrets but pride won’t allow them go back or even when they tried, their partners rejected them.
There are a couple of things that I feel you are currently going through that makes you feel your marriage is falling apart. Could it be infidelity, pride, abuse, lack of communication or even lack of time together? You no longer feel attracted to each other, or you just feel irritated by their presence? It could all be taken care of if you are willing to work.
Let’s look at a few things together as we discover how to fix a marriage that is broken. Couples could be staying together and yet be separated, so we are looking not just at couples separated but on marital problems that could lead to divorce and also how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce.
Marriage is not a bed of roses, there are good times as there will always be bad times also but staying through together is the part of the deal that could be hard to keep.
One of the ways you can do this is by Talking. When channels of communication (talk and touch) are closed then it is the beginning of the end of even the most blissful marriages.
I emphasize on this because so many couples hardly communicate and those that do, handle it wrongly thereby missing the point they are trying to make. Others make general conclusions and just assume, forgetting that they are different from their spouse and will definitely see things from different angles.
Communication isn’t about words only, body language, tone of voice and even facial expressions are a part of it and not everyone has the ability to read non-verbal cues which is why I emphasize on verbal communication where partners see face to face and share their interests, plans, opinions and ideas.
When you understand how your partner communicates, it will go a long way. Women are generally emotional beings while men are logical. Men are more direct and mainly pass information but women tend to go emotional on issues putting a lot of actions into play, thereby making it a little complicated for the man to comprehend.
Men could be emotional too but not like women and this is what causes misunderstanding most times because of the different ways we communicate, we tend not to understand how our partners express themselves.
Just know women seek affirmation and connection most of the time, once this is mastered by both partners, then it is the beginning of the end of whatever crises they may be experiencing. This is key and should be put into consideration when trying to know how to fix a marriage that is broken.
Why beat around the bush when you can dialogue in a straightforward manner? So many couples fail here.
Now to how to save your marriage from divorce.
1. Be Honest With Yourself
I think this is the very first step on how to fix a marriage that is broken. Where exactly are you in your marriage? How did you get here? What events led to the point you are in your marriage? Are you strangers living together or you are both separated by time and distance?
Take a replay of the events you have encountered, troubleshoot and discover where you need mending, fixing, dialogue whatever it is, make a note of it. Marriage can be very tough especially when you are confronted with some unpleasant surprises, yet taking the exit route so quickly isn’t the best option.
What happened to fixing things? What happened to mending things? What happened to your vows of commitment through thick and thin? As long as there’s no abuse of any kind, then I think you should be totally honest with yourself.
Take a look at you and your relationship squarely, don’t be in a rush to end things. I’ve noticed a lot of couples find it difficult to face their challenges, sometimes out of laziness or even a refusal to face their fears. But if you can get past this your marriage can work again.
Another area you need to look into is how did you contribute to the state of your marriage? It will be easy to blame your partner for everything that went wrong but look at the man in the mirror first. That man is you. You are a part of the retrogression in your relationship also. Offenses will definitely come but look past it to things that have been done to hurt you repeatedly.
Remember some of these differences could have occurred because of individual differences. There are some you definitely can’t cope with that your spouse will need to change, but believe me, the truth is there are some things you may have to live with.
Recognise where you need to compromise and meet in the middle. There are compromises married couples need to make when confronted with how to fix a marriage that is broken.
2. Be Open About It
This is another great step on how to fix a marriage that is broken. This could be really hard especially when things are not as they used to be between you two. But you have to make a commitment to set aside your differences and have an honest talk about what you both are facing.
You don’t have to pretend to be fine, neither do you have to come across as rude by putting forth your displeasure with hurting words. But you two should be free to express yourselves without being interrupted and you should try to use simple words that your mate understands.
Don’t talk about leaving the relationship straight on or asking for divorce, instead tell your partner your concerns and it’s getting to you. Give examples of issues that have occurred, Tell them you feel things are not like they used to be and you are sharing how you feel about it.
You may not have talked about this before so you need to hear their own side. They may be seeing things differently and since you are a team you need to hear them out. State your commitment to making the relationship work and also demand the same from your mate.
Apologise where you need to also and mean it. Just say it. Commit to making your actions follow through so that your mate can believe you.
3. Focus On Making The Relationship Work
By this, I mean determining to make the relationship work by deciding not to trade blame. When you keep looking at what your partner did and overlooking yours, issues will hardly ever be resolved. While you learn to take responsibility for your actions, try to avoid the blame trade game.
Own up and apologize and where you have been wronged, state clearly. Meet in the middle of your offense, commit to taking correction, it’s not about who’s right or wrong anymore but about your commitment.
After misunderstandings with my man sometimes, I sit back to reflect and find out that most misunderstandings stem from our ego, inability to let go and the need to always be right and our partners wrong. I then decided to try and work on seeking peace and preserving our bond instead of being right and losing my mate.
Want to get back your mate, read along as you discover more ways on how to fix a marriage that is broken.
4. Commit To Giving Your All
This appears hard to do sometimes but commitments demand 100 percent always, 50 won’t do. When you place commitment above your individual differences, it will be easier to love and cherish your spouse. You will see them as top on your priority list.
In the process of trying to know how to fix a marriage that is broken, you both should express your expectations and both work towards meeting each other’s needs and where there will be constraints, it should be expressed so that hopes are not raised and dashed. By doing this, you recognize where you both failed and commit to avoiding repetition in the future.
When you can clearly express your needs and understand the needs of your spouse, then you are well on your way of knowing how to fix a marriage that is broken.
5. Take A Trip Back In Time
Another step on how to fix a marriage that is broken is to recall sweet memories of times you had together, your dating years and when you just got married. Your mate was probably never like this.
Could they be under pressure, could it be that they are experiencing failed expectations or even faced with the reality of what it means to be married? Then you need to be understanding. Learn to touch your mate again like you used to, learn to play and laugh out loud as well.
Don’t hold back on complimenting them for kind gestures no matter how little, compliment the wrinkles that appeared on their face as a result of what you have been through together, compliment the bulging stomach that refused to return after childbirth, commend the balding process on your man’s head as a result of the times he had to stay awake thinking of how to pay the bills.
There will always be something to compliment, search it out. You can succeed in your journey of how to fix a marriage that is broken if you put your heart into it.
6. Go Past The Pain
Begin to seek for channels to rejuvenate. Go on outings, take out time to explore nature sometimes together, take a trip together, just be in each other’s face, spend time together. Forget about the issues you are currently facing. Put your love and commitment towards each other above the pain you are experiencing.
Concentrate more on each other and do things for each other. The essence of this is to make you both bond again. Your misunderstandings have created a chasm between you two that you need to close up.
Talk more of those traits you love the most about your partner, focus on their strengths while you are enjoying your vacation together. Relive old times, dredge up memories, tell stories of your earlier times together, play and laugh together. This is one of the ways on how to fix a marriage that is broken.
7. Go For Counseling
There are professionals and experts when it comes to relationship and marital issues, why not talk to them? You may be ‘team’ I don’t want anybody in my business, but how far have you come trying to fix things yourself?
Don’t ignore help to save your drowning relationship when one is readily available. It could be a great decision to learn how to fix a marriage that is broken from the experts.
Why do you need one you may be asking? Seeing a counsellor will help you see things from their own point of view. You have been fixed on yours for a long time now, try seeing things from another point of view.
Counsellors are experienced and understand some challenges you may be having, their advice would come in handy. I know sometimes your partner may not want help especially when it seems as if their mind is made up, but it takes just one person who is committed to make things work.
Until you give up, you can still save your marriage. This is how to save a marriage when only one is trying.
8. Take A Break
While you are focusing on your marriage, can you just take a break and return to yourself? I mean, this has a lot more to do with you than your partner. If you are broken then you also need healing and in fact, you come first so you can be strong to heal your marriage.
Now you have realised all you did or didn’t do that brought about the break down of your marriage and you are beginning to take steps on how to fix a marriage that is broken but you also need to heal. You need to work on yourself too.
Your self-esteem may have been marred, your creativity dampened and even self-love may have been reduced to the barest minimum, but you really need to come back to yourself.
9. Follow Your Instincts
Women are generally gifted when it comes to understanding gut feelings. It has personally saved me from several unpleasant situations or giving me prior knowledge before it comes to the open. I say this because of issues of infidelity and cheating. Here, I’m not just referring to women only but both genders.
Are you on the edge of divorce because your spouse cheated or you suspect they are cheating? Do you have proof or they are mere speculations or assumptions? Pardon my choice of words as I am not mocking your pain but trying to get to the heart of how you feel currently. Permit me to say that your spouse cheated doesn’t mean you should end your marriage.
There are a few things to understand when it comes to infidelity in marriage. The reason partners cheat ranges from a whole lot of issues. From lack of care, attention to lack of satisfaction or even failed expectations, I could go on and on but that’s not why I’m writing.
I’m writing to tell you that your marriage can still work. I’m not in any way making excuses for your spouse for cheating on you but I’m saying you can decide not to allow it to break your bond.
I believe you must have passed the confrontation point where you contributed your spouse and they owned up or did not even own up and now you are left with the option of staying or leaving. Could you try the following steps as you try all you can on how to fix a broken marriage after cheating.
A. Ask Your Partner If They Are Willing To start All Over Again With You
Better put, this is a straightforward way of asking your spouse if they will rather stay with you or break ties with their partner. If they are ready to fix what’s left of your marriage, then they should be willing to let go of their partners.
Their relationship outside has got to stop. There also has to be proof and they should be willing to go the extra mile to prove that they can be trusted again. That means there have to be changes in their way of life. They may be open with their phones, stop keeping late nights or keep their conversations with people open.
B. Renew Your Commitment To Loving Them Again
This may be a very difficult thing to do especially when trust has been broken but you can do it. Let your partner know you love them and you are willing to go all the way with them if they commit completely to you.
C. Learn To Trust Again
I understand that the picture of them being with someone else the whole time you trusted them will keep playing in your head but you really need to move past this. Begin to watch for changes and try to believe that they have changed. Let go of the past.
The way you relate with them can encourage them to begin to feel completely at ease with you and being better spouses again. This is how to fix a broken marriage after cheating.
10. Fan The Flames Of Romance Again
Do not shy away from this aspect. You are committed to each other, the need to be loved, cared for, appreciated and complimented also but all these will work better when romance is rekindled again. It may begin from a few light kisses and to several touches before you can hit it off as lovers again especially when you have both stayed away from each other.
You do not need to rush things, take it one step at a time and gain the trust of your partner by being loving and caring, that way you could win their hearts.
Bringing back marriage from the trenches of divorce is no child’s play. It requires work, commitment and the desire to see through to the end. What will keep you going through it all is the commitment you made to stay with each other regardless of the wind life blows at you.
It’s going to be hot sometimes and cold some other time but being focused and being willing to see the best in each other will take you through.
Don’t be deceived into thinking there is someone out there better than your spouse. As true as this may sound, remember you are not married to them and your partner choose you instead of them.
So, roll up your sleeves and get into your toolbox, search for mechanisms on how to fix a marriage that is broken. I’m waiting to read your success story.