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4 Clear Signs Your Ex-Boyfriend Still Has Feelings For You

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I was in a very difficult situation after the breakup. However, I did manage to heal and just before I was ready to move on, something happened that started the “wheel of emotions” spinning. I started to notice some pretty clear signs that my ex-boyfriend still had feelings for me.

I’m on a real emotional roller coaster. I just don’t know how I feel about him anymore or do I even want my ex back.

It all left me quite confused and overwhelmed. I’m not sure exactly what my ex wants and why he broke up with me in the first place if he still had feelings for me.

While most people think that the end of a relationship is also the end of all feelings, life usually proves it differently.

Many couples choose to ignore each other after their breakup, especially if they were painful (which is understandable). You know the saying, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

But on the other hand, there are couples in which one or both people exhibit strange types of behavior that can easily be misinterpreted.

If you still have inexplicable feelings for your ex, you definitely need the Ex Factor guide. Bring it back, you know you want it.

When this is the case, one partner usually has doubts whether the other still has unsolved feelings for them.

How to know if your ex has feelings for you?

If your ex gets back to you, if you keep bumping into him in places you know he never goes, or if he talks nostalgically about you with your mutual friends, it’s a good sign that he still has feelings for you and that he regrets the breakup.

You need to pay close attention to little things, for example, her body language or her texting style. He won’t admit that he still has feelings for you directly for sure, however, his body and his actions, those little things I mentioned, will sooner or later expose him.

I guess you are that person who still has feelings for your ex-boyfriend as you are here reading this article, and now you are wondering: What are the signs that my ex-boyfriend is still having feelings for me?

Maybe he called or texted you when he was drunk, maybe he kept in touch with your friends and family, or he just can’t stop talking about your happy times past and it all made you even more confused than before. , to the right?

Or maybe his indifference makes you feel like he’s already forgotten about you.

Maybe he has already found someone else and you are convinced that he is really happy without you, but then something unexpected happens and you do not know what to believe or how to feel any more.

You begin to trace all of your past moments and compare them to the situation today in the hopes of finding an answer, proof of her genuine affection for you or her lack of it.

Either way, you could live with it but you just need to know, right?

Sometimes ex-partners will go out of their way to hide their feelings because they don’t know if the other person feels the same about them!

And sometimes they don’t even try to hide what they really feel because they are so determined to win you back!

And here is the partial answer to your questions: in the majority of cases, ex-partners combine the two “strategies” above without even realizing it.

 This means that even if they act in a totally offensive and indifferent manner, it does not mean that they do not have feelings for you and vice versa.

It’s really easy for someone to get lost in all of this but trust me there is nothing to worry about as the following signs that my ex-boyfriend still has feelings for me which are described in detail, will help you solve all your doubts and free you from all traces of your confusion!

Now, if only one or two of the things mentioned below have been observed by you, they don’t have to mean anything.

1. He stays in touch

For me, one of the first signs that my ex-boyfriend still has feelings for me was when he tried really hard to keep in touch.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to have a friendly relationship with someone who was your romantic partner.

It’s common for people to maintain contact after a break-up, but if your ex insists that the two of you stay in touch, it’s possible that there is something else behind that request.

While there is always a possibility that your ex will appreciate you and love you as a dear person to him and that is why he wants to keep you in his life, there is also a possibility that he is trying to keep you close to him. because he wants it. keep his options open or because he didn’t accept the idea that the two of you broke up.

The only way to decipher this riddle is to observe her body language and pay attention to the other signs on this list as well.

If the majority of the signs are that your ex is still taking care of you, then there is no need to question them.

Also, you need to be extra careful with this one as keeping in touch with your ex can sometimes be very harmful to your potential new relationship and this is something you absolutely want to avoid.

2. He bumps into you all the time

You and your ex have been together for a while and that means they know most of your habits and routines.

He probably knows where you work, where your gym is, where your friends and family live, and what your favorite places to go to.

So, if you meet your ex-boyfriend everywhere you go, there’s a good chance it isn’t a coincidence, even if he tries to present him that way.

For me, one of the signs that my ex-boyfriend still has feelings for me was the fact that I started meeting him too often. I realized the guy is everywhere I look and it sure couldn’t be a coincidence.

I knew he had been to the places I visited just because of one thing – he was hoping he would see me and maybe even talk to me (which is less scary).

If this is the case with you and your ex-boyfriend, then he chooses to meet you by chance, instead of calling you to go out for a drink or elsewhere because that would be a direct invitation, which he wants to avoid at all costs.

He might be afraid that you don’t share the same emotions, so he doesn’t want to feel rejected if he doesn’t get the signals he expects from you.

Ultimately, if your ex still loves you but doesn’t want to be the one to take the first step, they would definitely choose an alternative like bumping into you all the time i.e. crawling with your every move.

3. He asks people about you

When you’ve been in a serious relationship for a long time, it’s likely that you and your partner still have many common friends, even after your relationship ends.

While that doesn’t mean that either or both of you should stop dating all of these people when you break up, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea if you want to break up all ties with your ex.

Remember, if he still has feelings for you, your mutual friends, are the people who can serve your ex-boyfriend to help you out.

So one of the sure signs that he wants you to come back is the fact that he is asking people about you.

Just like in the situation above, he probably doesn’t want to contact you directly and that’s why he uses the people you both know to get the information he wants.

It is also possible that he secretly wishes you to find out that he asked you questions and perhaps expects you to take the first step towards reconciliation.

This way he has the ability to see your reaction through these people without having to reach you directly.

While it could also mean that he just wants to see what you’ve been up to, in most situations there’s a good chance that he misses you and wants you to come back (especially if other signs confirm this as well).

One thing is for sure, even if he doesn’t even know how much he is talking about you, it means that you are constantly on his mind so he can’t help him.

4. He kept in touch with your friends and family

Besides having mutual friends and acquaintances, when you are in a lasting relationship, it is quite common for your partner to be on good terms with your own friends and family members as well.

And while you appreciated that he had this kind of relationship with them when the two of you were together, it probably became disturbing for you if you hadn’t planned to get back with him, right. ?

One of the first signs that my ex still has feelings for me is when he is trying to connect with and date my best friends and some of my family.

When we were both a couple he had a respectful relationship with my family and that was it. But since we broke up, he’s made sure that relationship escalates.

It’s one thing if your ex-boyfriend is polite enough to say “Hi” to your family and friends when he accidentally sees them on the street or calls them up to congratulate them on something, but it’s a whole different thing if he takes every possible opportunity to get in touch with them.

One of the main reasons he would choose this method to reach you is that he probably has no other way to keep in touch with you, so he tries to stay in your life indirectly through them.

It is also likely that these people are the only things he has left of you and that he keeps them because he lost you. As he hangs out with them, he feels like he still does. part of your life touching everything that happens with you, without having to contact you directly.

This Is What It Means If He Hasn’t Contacted You For A Month

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When a guy leaves or ghosts you without shutting down, the first thing to do is apply the no-contact rule. But what if the roles are reversed?

What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted you for a month?

There you are, fighting with yourself not to call him and doing your best to make you miss this man. Nevertheless, obviously he does the same.

A whole month has passed and you have seen no such sign.

Is that a red flag that he doesn’t care about you? Does it enforce the no-contact rule and wait for you to contact us first? Has he evolved and is he better without you?

The possibilities are limitless. And all you want to know is what really drives their behavior. What does it mean if he hasn’t contacted you for a month?

Well, even though every man is different, there are universal answers to this question. Here they are.

3 things to consider if he hasn’t contacted you in a month

1. His heart argues with his head every time it beats

Most men are extremely stubborn creatures. They don’t like to be controlled, and they particularly despise being told what to do.

In the end, they even fight against themselves. I’m sure you are quite familiar with this situation as well.

I’m talking about those times when you feel like your heart is literally arguing with your head every time it beats. Well, that’s exactly what’s going on with your guy here.

Therefore, if he hasn’t contacted you in a month, that doesn’t necessarily mean he has a secret life that you don’t know anything about.

In fact, the explanation can be quite simple: He doesn’t know what to do with you.

I don’t know what happened between you two, but it is more than clear that his heart is telling him to go straight to your door and declare his undying love to you.

On the other hand, his mind thinks that you are not a good option for him.

Of course, it has nothing to do with your worth. It doesn’t mean that I am telling you that this man thinks you are not worthy or good enough to be with him.

You may not be compatible. Or he’s fighting demons you have no idea about.

Either way, the point is, this man doesn’t know what he’s doing or what he wants to do next.

You are not the only one who does not know which direction to choose. He also sees that he is at a crossroads and has no idea which direction to take.

THE GOOD NEWS

As horrible as you must be feeling right now, there is a silver lining to this whole situation. The good news about this man is that he loves you.

Well, actually, I don’t know the details of your relationship so I don’t know if the word “love” is too strong. But to say the least, he cares deeply about you.

How can we be so sure? Well, when someone doesn’t care about you, it is okay to abandon you.

If his brain tells him that you are wrong for him or that you shouldn’t be together, why would his heart have a say in it? In other words, if he has no feelings for you?

So, no matter what happens in the future, know that you were much more important to this man than he wanted.

BAD NEWS

On the other hand, the bad news is that he’s the kind of guy who puts his stubbornness above his feelings. Even if you end up together, it won’t be your happiness forever.

Most of the time, he behaves like he doesn’t know what he wants. So, do you really want this kind of man to be you forever?

Another bad news is that you shouldn’t be surprised if he ends up leaving for good, despite the love he feels for you.

He might put his head on top of everything, and if that happens there is little you can do to change his decision.

2. He returns the favor

People assume that women are more vindictive than men; let me tell you, revenge knows nothing of the sort. It is a proven fact that men can be extremely vindictive when their hearts are broken.

Therefore, it’s possible that your ex-boyfriend didn’t call you for a simple reason: because you didn’t call him either.

Or maybe he’s trying to pay you back for something you’ve done in the past. Do not worry. I’m not just talking about huge things. This could be the slightest inconvenience he has had to endure because of you.

It may be something that you have completely forgotten. But he keeps remembering, isn’t it obvious?
There are two options here.

The first is that this guy has been planning his revenge on you for some time now.

If he ghosted you and stopped answering your calls all of a sudden, maybe he waited until you fell in love with him for real.

Maybe he wanted to make sure he was under your skin so that he could give you real grief.

On the other hand, it is also possible that he is just giving you a taste of your own medicine. Did you try to contact him during this month? Or have you been silent too?

He may be waiting for you to take the first step. This guy doesn’t care that he’s male – he doesn’t want to be the one to humiliate himself.

Yes, it’s true. This is how he sees it. He would consider himself a pathetic loser if he contacted you. He would think he is chasing you and boosting your ego at the same time.

THE GOOD NEWS

If he hasn’t contacted you in a month because he’s reimbursing you, you can easily end this charade with just a few taps. All you have to do is be the first to call it.

It may sound like I’m asking you to swallow your pride, but unfortunately, it’s the only way to bring your ex-boyfriend back to you. Otherwise, this game could go on indefinitely.

Look, the ball is in your court – that’s the good news. Even if it doesn’t turn out that way, the truth is, this situation is entirely in your hands.

I promise you he will give up his revenge as soon as you call him. After all, he got what he wanted, right? So what would be the point of maintaining it?

He’ll let his feelings get the better of him, and he won’t continue with this hard-to-get gambling game.

BAD NEWS

On the other hand, do you really want to be with a man who goes through life with such immaturity? Let’s face it: instead of talking about what’s bothering him, he does everything in a sneaky way.

Isn’t it true that you should watch your back whenever you’re with him? He obviously never forgets, holds a grudge and will always repay you for your actions.

Besides, it’s also clear that he doesn’t care much about your feelings – even if he loves you. He allowed you both to suffer just to get his way.

His ego is more important than his feelings, and it’s up to you to decide if that’s something you can handle.

3. Men play the game: Women know the score

Modern encounters are about different relationship mind games. Whether you like it or not (and let’s face it – who does it?), This is just the way it is.

Well, if he hasn’t contacted you in a month, it might just be one of his tests. Maybe this guy is playing hard to get or just wants to show you that he’s the dominant one.

This is a common strategy that, unfortunately, most men engage in. When two people are in some kind of romantic relationship, it seems like whoever shows their feelings first is the loser.

If Person A wears their heart on their sleeve, they are automatically vulnerable. They put their fate in the hands of person B.

Therefore, person B thinks they can act as they see fit, without suffering the consequences.

After all, the first person likes them, so they’ll probably put up with their nonsense. They can treat them however they want, but Person A won’t stop loving them.

The biggest problem here is that Person A never knows if the other likes them back. They are sending them mixed signals, and Person A puts a lot of effort into trying to find out B’s true intentions.

So how does this relate to your current situation? Well, very.
See, the object of your affection is to do whatever it takes to avoid being Person A in this story.

To be precise, he thought he had to become Person B just to avoid getting hurt.

Everything is pretty clear: he wants you to chase him away. He wants to be the one who doesn’t show his weak side, so he leaves you with no clue.

He wants you to ask yourself: is he really interested? What is he doing? Where has all the love and affection gone since you started your relationship?

Before you know it, you are carried away by these doubts. You can’t get these questions out of your head, and you fall in love with him more and more every day.

So when he reappears (and I assure you he will), you’re happy he’s finally back.

You don’t ask questions and you don’t want to dig below the surface to try and find out why he’s behaving that way.

You will welcome it with open arms, and it is there that you will be doomed. Without realizing it, you gave him the green light to continue acting as he wishes.

With that one movement, you enabled him to achieve his goal. You have shown him that you are the one who loves the most, and it is once again that you are doomed.

THE GOOD NEWS

Now that you know what this guy’s intentions are, you are one step ahead of him. If that interests you, this is your chance to beat him at his own game.

Instead of doing what he expects of you, show him that you are a better player than he could ever be. The best way to do this is to engage in hot and cold psychology.

Before you know it, you will achieve what he wanted to accomplish with you. You will turn the situation on him, and he will be addicted to you, not knowing what hit him.

BAD NEWS

But if we look at it realistically, these types of games never end. Now you’ve fooled him, but no one can guarantee that he won’t do the same to you in the future.

Once you enter this endless cycle, you will never be able to get out of it. That is until you sever all ties with that person.

You cannot have a healthy relationship based on these red flags.

If You Don’t Want To Miss Someone Anymore, Here’s What You Need To Do

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Some things in the world are so intense that missing someone who means a lot to you. That someone could be your ex or someone you’ve never been with.

It is true that you may miss someone you have never dated because you made a strong mental connection with them and they were a part of your life for a while.

Unrequited love comes in so many different forms, and each one is equally painful.

Such love forces you to ask yourself the following questions: will I stop missing them? How should I stop thinking about them? How long will this agony last?

Many poets, writers and other artists have tried to answer these questions through their poems, their books and their various works of art. They weren’t really trying to answer them, but they had this strong urge to speak out.

They weren’t trying to stop missing someone, they were trying to stop the pain of someone missing, which is exactly what you need to do too!

No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop missing someone in a night

No, there are no quick fixes that will help you never miss someone in record time. Not a single guide on earth can help you stop missing this person overnight or in a short time.

You can try the weirdest methods like convincing yourself that you don’t miss them and never even cared about them in the first place.

You can try it for a few minutes, hours, or a day, but eventually you will return to your original state of mind where you still miss them A LOT.

If the person you’re trying to forget is your ex, every romantic couple or movie on the street will remind you.

You will be tempted to reread all of your texts, and you will analyze and overanalyze things.

Sometimes you yourself will cry to fall asleep and consider texting them and convincing them that maybe you should give your failed romance another chance.

You will know how to compose them to confess your deepest feelings which are suffocating you every second and every minute of your life of trying to stop someone who is missing.

The next day you will realize that you made a mistake and should not have contacted them. You promise yourself that you will never do it again and that YOU will stop missing them.

But did you know that all of these things are part of your healing journey?

If you want to stop missing someone, you need to go through the following steps first:

• Denial

At this point, you’ll pretend it’s okay or the change isn’t happening. You will strive to convince yourself that your life is still the same with or without them.

You will try to hide all these emotions which are sure to flare up in the next step.

• Anger

You will be angry with them, yourself and everyone around you. Your boss will be the worst person in the world, your friends will become bad guys, and the one you try to forget will be the biggest source of your misery.

In everything around you, you will only see negative aspects.

You will even start arguing with others just to express yourself and get rid of the emotions that have built up in you due to the lack of someone you cannot be with.

• Negotiation (And if step)

At this point, you will feel extremely vulnerable and helpless. You will think of so many scenarios where you will blame yourself and external factors for the outcome.

If you were in a relationship with them, you might think, if only I had tried harder, maybe they would have stayed.

If you’ve never even been with them, you might think, if only I had made contacts more often, maybe we would have gone on a date, and things would have been different.

If only, and if …

• Depression

From the rest of the world, you can isolate yourself. You may feel confused, anxious, enraged …

At some point, you will feel worthless without them, or you will see them as a missing piece in your life that no one can replace in the future.

If you miss them even though you’ve never been together, you will also go through stages of depression, but in a different way.

Most of all you’ll blame yourself for not trying harder to overcome all the obstacles between you or not letting them know how you feel about them.

• Acceptance

From refusal to bargaining, you will arrive at acceptance which is not necessarily a positive step. You can accept something that has happened without moving on.

As said before, you can’t stop missing someone overnight because it’s a process. After accepting it, you will be forgetting about them.

Give yourself time

If you miss them and know you shouldn’t, don’t worry and be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened (or has not happened).

At the risk of sounding like the biggest cliché of all time, the truth is, time heals everything.

When I think about my last failed romance, I vividly remember after the breakup how broken I felt. I thought I would probably be the only person in the world who didn’t go on with their life, not even 10 years after I broke up.

I have found that this is what everyone thinks of when they miss someone they no longer have or can’t be with.

The only thing we can focus on is that intense feeling of something missing or something that was never there but should have been.

You might feel like no one understands how you feel, but I assure you time does. Give yourself time and let everything happen at its natural pace.

When You Fight For Love, Make Sure You’re Not The ONLY One Fighting

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Maybe you’ve tried to open up lines of communication, but things haven’t gotten any better. You’ve worked on reconnecting. You’ve suggested spending more time together. You’ve planned date nights. You’ve tried making the first move in bed. You’ve called out the issues.

But your partner… isn’t listening, can’t hear you, or doesn’t show any interest.

All relationships go through peaks and valleys. The couples that make it through tough times rise up — together — and face the issues head-on. They get real. They get honest. They listen, and talk about things that may have slipped through the cracks. They see the issues, have the hard conversations, and solve the issues that led to whatever breakdown has befallen them. They fight to rebuild and reconnect. Those who fight together survive long-term.

Mending emotional fences and rebuilding trust after disconnect requires an honest assessment of what’s happened and where challenges lie. It’s not about assigning blame, but rather solving issues. This level of communication requires courage and maturity from both partners. They must both come to the table openly and without judgment.

And that is the keyword: they.

When a couple disconnects or is experiencing challenges, it’s unusual for both people to see it right away. One will see it first and then voice his or her concerns. But from there, it’s up to bothpeople to work on reconnecting, or the relationship is doomed.

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Too often, however, the person who sees the issues feels that it’s his or her job to make everything work. One person puts in effort and call things out. But relationships take two people, and if the other partner doesn’t contribute to solving the issue, the relationship will never work.

So what happens if your partner don’t respond? What if he or she doesn’t care — and continue not to care? If your partner won’t work on reconnecting, there’s are unfortunate truths to face:

  • You can’t change your husband; he can only change himself.
  • You can’t force your wife to do anything; she chooses her own path.
  • You can’t create a loving relationship all by yourself; your partner must participate and join you.
  • You can’t make the one you love see his or her mistakes; life does that for you — later.

People aren’t always on the same timeline. Give your partner some time to see the issues and join you in fighting for what you both want. If it’s right, FIGHT for each other and your relationship! But, if your partner refuses, you can’t force the relationship to last. The last thing you should ever do is continue fighting for someone who doesn’t want to be fought for.

You are a valuable, amazing person, and it’s not anyone’s fault when things disconnect.

Do your part… but remember, your partner needs to do his or hers. If resistance persists, it’s better to move on. Maintaining a relationship all by yourself leads to just one place — heartache and heartbreak.

When You Stop Chasing The Wrong People, The Right One Will Find You

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Let’s face it — we all want love. And not just any kind of love — we want an unconditional, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love that doesn’t fade away with time.

We want to find our soulmate, our match made in heaven, the one who is destined to be ours and our forever person all in one person.

Don’t get me wrong — I am not saying that pursuit for love should be the only thing giving meaning to your existence nor that love is the only important thing in the world.

I am especially not telling you that you can’t be complete on your own and that you need love to fulfill you.

But the truth is, that at some point in our life, we all want to find that special someone to share it with.

Someone who will make all of our difficulties look bearable and all of our challenges solvable.

Someone just to be next to us to catch us when we are about to fall and to hold our hand, telling us that everything will be OK when we lose all hope.

 

And you are no exception. You are not afraid of being alone and you’ve embraced your single life a while ago.

You know what you want and are not a girl who is ready to settle for less so obviously, you don’t even think of finding someone so you are not  alone.

Instead, you just want to find an ever-lasting connection, a man who’s love will feel like home and a man who will always try his best to always remind you what butterflies feel like.

Even though you don’t want to lower your standards (and you shouldn’t), you are not looking for a perfect man because you don’t think of yourself as perfect either.

You are well aware of your imperfections and you just want someone to accept you just the way you are, without trying to change you.

You just want someone who will understand you and who will love you back, no matter what.

Someone to grow old with and someone who will stay by your side through thick and thin.

But this love you are waiting for isn’t coming, as much as you keep searching for it.

 

All you get are immature guys who don’t appreciate everything you have to offer and who don’t give you anything in return.

So naturally, you can’t help but wonder what the problem is? You see all those happy couples everywhere you look and it appears like you are the only one who can’t seem to find love.

Are you to blame? Are you destined to die alone? Are you not meant to be loved?

Well, let me tell you one thing — love will come to you. And it will happen when you least expect it.

It will walk into your life when you give up on it completely and when you stop looking for it.

It will happen when you become really ready for it and when you stop racking your brain about it.

Once you stop with the overthinking and once the desperation abandons you completely — thats when love will come.

One morning, when you accept that you’ll never find your special someone , true love will knock on your door and it will bring you everything you’ve expected and more.

 

You just have to understand that nothing happens when we want it to happen.

The same is with love. Love has the perfect timing and if it still hasn’t come to you, it just means you are not prepared for it yet.

So, stop with the wait. Stop comparing yourself to others around you and stop obsessing about your relationship status.

Instead, work hard on becoming the best possible version of yourself. Give all that loveyou have hidden to no one else but yourself.

For a change, be selfish. Focus on improving and spoiling yourself.

And, most importantly, love and respect yourself the way you expect a man to.

Instead of stressing yourself and thinking too far ahead in the future, just try going with the flow.

Don’t analyze the past, don’t overthink the future and live in the present moment.

Just relax and let love find you, instead of searching for it. I guarantee you that one of these days, it will.

Wait For It, Love Will Find You Some Day

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Don’t be greedy. Don’t demand everything right away. Stop for a moment and look at your life.

It’s not that bad. You have plenty of things to be grateful for.

So, love is, at the moment, not one of them, but it will be. Just be patient.

You’ll find that someone who’ll embrace your fears and your anxieties. You’ll find that someone who’ll understand why you’re closing up and taking it all in.

He will understand that you are chronically dissatisfied because things are not going the way you want them.

He’ll know that you’re frustrated because you try so hard and you get nothing in return.

Wait for the man who thinks you are the most beautiful woman everywhere you go.

Wait for the man who’ll erase your insecurities and make you walk proudly, happy about yourself. Wait for the man whose love feels like home.

Wait for the man in whose arms you feel the safest. Wait for the man who’ll dry off tears from your eyes.

A man who’ll always stand in front of you to defend you from evil. A man who’ll sacrifice himself for you out of nothing more than pure love.

Wait for the one who’ll put a smile on your face when everything seems blue. Wait for the man who makes you feel the happiest woman alive just from hearing his voice in the morning or reading his good morning text.

Wait for the man who’ll show you why every relationship you had so far was completely wrong.

Wait for the one whose words are not empty, the one who makes his promises come true. Wait for the one who’ll show you he loves you, who’ll actually act upon his words.

Wait for the man who’ll never leave you hanging and keep asking yourself is what you have real and worth fighting for. With him, you’ll just know.

Because when true love pops in, you don’t need an explanation. You don’t need an announcement. You just know.

Wait for the man who’ll never disappoint you. A man who’ll try as hard as you do. A man who’ll care equally as you do.

Wait for someone who’ll make you never ever regret choosing him over everyone else.

Wait for the one who’ll never convince you that you are not good enough, that you have to change.

The one who’ll support you and learn to love the fact you’re weird and the fact you have quirks that no one can understand. Wait for the man who doesn’t care about perfection because he is not perfect either.

Wait for the man who’ll show you what true love is. The man who’ll ignore the whole world just because he has you and that is enough.

Wait for the man who would go to the ends of the Earth for you. Wait for the man you would also do all these things for.

Wait for his true love because it will find you one day.

Wait for the one who knows that life is fucked up and messy. The one who knows nothing is easily given to anyone, the one who’ll fight for something he wants.

Wait for the man who knows that love is not all flowers and candy.

The one who knows there will be fights and there will be tears, but in the end, it will all go away because your love, true love, will win and overcome all obstacles and tests that God has put before you.

Wait for the man who’s afraid to lose you because if he did, he would be saying goodbye to a huge chunk of his own heart.

Wait for the man who makes love easy and effort…wait for it…less.

5 Warning Signs Of A Fake Friend And How To Deal With One

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Do you know why true friends are considered a treasure these days? Because it’s so damn hard to find one. Unfortunately, most of us are surrounded by toxic people who only pretend to be our friends so long as they can use us. 

It has become very difficult to spot these fake friends because most of them have become real pros at faking friendships. I’ve compiled a list of signs of a fake friend to help you identify and deal with them. 

You should always remember one thing: it’s better to have one friend you’re sure you can always count on than to have a wide social circlewhere you can’t tell for sure if all those people are your real friends 

I always say that God chooses our family members for us, but we’re the ones who choose our friends . That’s why if you allow your friends to disrespect, manipulate, or belittle you, you’re the only one to blame.

Good friends are hard to find these days because the world is full of fake friendships.That’s why you should consider yourself lucky if you have someone you’re sure you can always count on. 

If you have a solid group of friends , guard those friendships because they’re definitely one of the most valuable things in your life. 

5 Clear Signs Of A Fake Friend

 

Even though it’s become challenging to spot fake friends nowadays, there are still some pretty clear red flags of fake friendships we should all look out for. So, if you want to know how to tell if you have a fake friend , just keep reading below. 

1. They use you for their personal gain

A bad friend will always reach out only when it’s convenient for them or when they need something from you. They hang out with you only because they want to take advantage of you. 

They don’t want to spend quality time with you or to get to know you better. They’ll ask to get together only when they need you, and this is one of the most obvious signs of a fake friend . 

2. They’re never there when you need them most

Your close friend should be someone who is always there for you – someone who will stand by your side no matter what and who wants to share everything with you, the good moments as much as the bad ones. 

If you can never count on your friend because they were never there for you when you needed them the most, I’m sorry, but the truth is you’re in a toxic relationship , and that person was never your real friend . 

3. They’re constantly pointing out your flaws 

A good friend is someone who knows you better than anyone else. They’re a person who respects, accepts, and embraces all your flaws and imperfections. It’s someone who accepts you the way you are and encourages you to be a better version of yourself every day. 

On the other hand, a bad friend will always try to emphasize your flaws and make you feel bad about those not-so-perfect parts of yourself. 

They know what your bad sides are, and they’ll try to point them out often just to hurt you. They’ll do it because they want to suck the confidence out of you, and that’s something you should never allow.  

4. They try to manipulate or control you 

Girl explaining something with hands to her friend in the restaurant

A healthy friendship consists of two people who try to understand and respect each other’s choices and decisions. It’s a healthy relationship where both sides have different interests and perspectives and still try to be compassionate and understanding towards each other. 

Only a bad friend would use your sincere feelings to try to take control of your life. They’ll also try to make you feel guilty in order to manipulate you into doing something they want you to do. 

That would lead to a codependent relationship,which would harm your emotional and mental health. Unfortunately, I was dragged into such a relationship, and it took me a while to understand that I’m the only one who has control of my life . 

5. Your accomplishments make them jealous 

good friend is someone who’ll be proud of your achievements and always rejoice in your accomplishments. They’ll see your success as their own because friendship is truly one soul separated into two living bodies. 

If you feel like your friend is envious of your success and all your accomplishments, I’m sorry, but you’re dealing with a very bad friend , and you need to let go of that friendship for your own peace of mind.

True Love Is Challenging, But It’s Worth Fighting And Waiting For

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No, true love will not knock on your door in the middle of the night and wake you up from a bad dream. True love will also not come to you when you’re unprepared or not ready to experience it.

When true love comes, chances are you will not recognize it at first. You will think that it’s just another romance that is probably bound to fail in a couple of months. 

At one point, you will think of giving up on it, and that is when you will discover that all this time, this was true love.

Mysterious. Inspiring. Powerful. Transformative. 

True love is all that (and more), which is why it is worth fighting and waiting for.

Don’t let your past romantic endeavors discourage you!

I’m ashamed to say how many times I’ve repeated this one sentence to myself: I will never meet the one for me; that famous unicorn man who will make me forget every single romance from my past because, all of a sudden, they will become insignificant.

I used to think that true love existed only in corny romantic movies created so people can feel a little bit better about themselves and their failed romances. 

I’ve met men who were legit players, commitment-phobes, indecisive men, you name it. I’ve been taken for granted, I’ve been cheated on, and I’ve been disappointed in love . 

The last three words of the previous sentence are key. How can you even be disappointed in something that you haven’t even experienced? 

I’ve realized that the main reason why people lose hope in true love is that they compare it to their previous romantic endeavors.

Trust me, everything you’ve experienced so far has nothing to do with real love. Don’t allow your past romantic endeavors to influence your perspective on love.

Don’t make assumptions about something you have yet to experience. Also, I’m not saying that it will be easy.

True love is hard work , but it’s TOTALLY worth it!

I used to think about the concept of true love as something that happens abruptly, sweeps you off your feet, heals all your wounds, and restores faith in humanity.

I’ve realized that I’ve watched one too many romantic movies with “happily ever afters,” where the representation of love is anything but realistic. 

Now that I can proudly say I’ve experienced (and am still experiencing) the magic of real love, I can tell you one thing: True love is not easy. It is hard work, but it’s totally worth it!

There will be times when you will think that there’s no point in pursuing it any longer. You will be challenged in so many ways that you’ll have to pinch yourself to make sure that you’re not in a poorly directed comedy movie.

You’ll go through so many ups and downs, question your beliefs, change your perspective, and so on. Do you know why? 

Because true love does all that. It is both divine, challenging, and uplifting. You experience it for a reason, and that reason is beyond you.

True love is the most challenging of all.

This may sound a little bit contradictory to many of you, but I assure you that this is the truth. Once you experience unconditional love with the right one for you, you will go through a series of obstacles and challenges both personally and in your relationship.

Before I tell you why, allow me to give you an example. Just think of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, Allie and Noah from The Notebook, or Peeta and Katniss from The Hunger Games.

Even though I said that romantic movies have nothing to do with true depictions of real love, some do (to a certain extent, of course). All of the above-mentioned movies had major plot twists, and lovers underwent lots of challenges.

Yes, it would be unrealistic to say that every single big love in the real world is extra challenging. Some of them are more challenging, while others are less. The question is: Why is that so? 

There are two main reasons why such love is the most challenging of all:

1. Such deep connections are filled with intense emotions.

True love is extremely passionate in every aspect and sense of its meaning. When you connect with another person on such a deep level, you start experiencing intense emotions. 

That means even the most insignificant things can turn into raging flames. Why? Because you care too much. You feel too intensely. 

True love is the most challenging of all because it’s addictive, intense, and also demanding. The more you learn about each other, the more connected you become. 

It’s so easy to get addicted to this euphoric feeling of something bigger than you. Something too divine and impossible to be described with words. 

2. The role of your soulmate is to help you grow. 

True love happens for a reason. There’s a reason why you met that one special person at that one period in your life. Your soulmate’s entrance into your life was not random. It happened because you’re ready to grow, and they are there to help you with that.

Your soulmate’s role is to push you to your limits, challenge your perspectives, improve your way of thinking, and help you become who you’re meant to be. 

That’s why true love is worth fighting for .

When you experience true love, you will get in touch with your true self.

You will be challenged and provoked for a reason. If I had to choose the best synonym for true love, it would be EVOLVING.

Of course, love is not only about that. It consists of all those cozy moments we’ve dreamed of experiencing with our loved one such as:

 Looking deeply into their eyes and knowing what they’re thinking even without asking them. 

Pillow fights in the morning because someone has to get up first, and you don’t want to be that person. 

Deep, meaningful conversations that will invoke Aristotle, who was hiding inside you all this time. 

Long cuddling sessions, heartfelt romantic gifts, you name it…

True love is all that (and more), and that is why it is worth fighting and waiting for! 

It is about YOU and THEM getting in touch with your true selves. It’s about motivating each other to do your best every day, sharing your deepest thoughts, contradicting each other, laughing together…

True love is worth fighting and waiting for because it’s the only way to experience true happiness. 

If you haven’t experienced such divine love yet, let these waiting for love quotes give you a sneak peek into the complexity and beauty of true love: 

“The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare

“You must learn to wait for the fulfillment of your visions.” – Lailah Gifty Akita

“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.” – Erica Jong

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

“Whatever we are waiting for — peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance — it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

5 Ways to Pray Powerful Prayers For Your Marriage

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If you are married, you have the honor to pray for your marriage. Don’t be discouraged by your current situation, remember that your prayers reach our loving Father and we have seen in scripture that the prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective.

Just as God’s heart was moved with Abraham’s prayer in Genesis 18, God’s heart will be moved in regards to your marriage. Your situation could change in a matter of moments or months. Even if it takes years for you to see the fruit of your prayers, you know that all things work perfectly in God’s timing.

Prayer can be overwhelming if you overthink it, but if you get back to the basics of prayer, it can be the simplest most powerful thing you can do for your marriage. Maybe you feel that your prayers are too simple, too short or just not powerful enough. Be encouraged that God is never impressed by the length or complexity of your prayers. He just wants you to pray with sincerity.

My best tip for prayer is to pray the scriptures. When you pray the scriptures you know that you are praying in accordance to God’s will. Not only will this allow you to pray with more confidence, it will also allow you to pray more often because you are not searching for words to pray, you are simply praying the scriptures.

Here are five steps that you can take to pray powerful prayers for your marriage starting today.

1. Start off with an honest conversation. If there is any offense between you and your spouse, take time to work that out before going into prayer.

2. Write down three areas of your relationship that you want to focus on. It could be anything from finances, intimacy, forgiveness, health, career, etc.

3. Pick out one or two scriptures for each area that you want to focus on. You can search scripture topics online or use a concordance to search words and phrases that relate to your topic.

4. Turn that scripture into a prayer. For example, turn Matthew 6:33 into a prayer by saying “Lord, thank you for giving us everything we need as we seek first your kingdom and your righteousness.”

5. Speak the prayers out loud. Journaling your prayers is a wonderful habit but remember that God put life and death in the power of your tongue. In gratitude for this gift, speak life by saying your prayers out loud.

By speaking scripture based prayers for your marriage, you can have boldness as you pray before the throne of God because you know that you are praying in accordance with His will.

Bond with your spouse by searching the scriptures and creating these prayers together. Challenge yourselves to pray the scriptures over your marriage every day this week. Not only will you see the Holy Spirit gently refining your marriage but your prayer life will be stronger and you will have a peace concerning the things that you have been praying for.

3 Lessons Esther Teaches Us About Waiting, Dating, and Marriage

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3 Lessons Esther Teaches Us About Waiting, Dating, and Marriage

The Biblical story of how Esther became queen is quite interesting.

King Ahasuerus threw an extravagant party that lasted for several days. On the last day of the party he called for Queen Vashti to wear her crown and walk around for everyone to see how beautiful she was.

I don’t know if the queen was tired or going through something, but she refused to be the king’s trophy piece. She did not want to parade herself in front of the king’s guests.

As Christians, we are to believe that God inspired every word of the Bible, not for the sake of vanity, but to teach us something that we can use today.

Here are 3 important lessons we can learn can from the book of Esther…

The Male Ego is Real

Needless to say, the king was embarrassed that Vashti disregarded his wishes.

How dare she not follow simple orders in front of his royal friends?

He decided she was no longer worthy to be queen and began to look for a replacement. 

Not that I agree with such an abrupt decision to replace Vashti, but it’s important to focus on why he did it.

The thought of Queen Vashti rubbing off on all the other women in the kingdom made King Ahasuerus furious. If his queen won’t respect him, why would anyone else?

King Ahasuerus is not any different from men today. One of the biggest reasons men look for love elsewhere today is because they don’t feel prized in their own homes. 

They want respect and they don’t want to be publicly embarrassed; whether it’s in front of their family, friends or complete strangers.

I’m sure Vashti was shocked that something so small got her replaced, but it is a good indication of how fragile the king’s ego was. 

It’s more important to be a wife than a bride.

Esther was eventually crowned queen out of all the young women who applied for the position.

On the day she was crowned, I imagine there was a huge celebration with lots of music and wine— similar to modern weddings but with one difference:

Esther went through a lengthy process of learning to be a queen before she was worthy to wear the crown. For 12 months she purified herself, applied beauty treatments, and learned how to impress the king.

Just about every modern woman dreams of her wedding day long before she has a suitor. She plans the color scheme, the cake flavors, and the song that will play as she walks down the aisle.

But how many women dream about what is supposed to happen in the years after saying “I do?”

There’s nothing wrong with planning the perfect wedding day, but it’s more important to learn how to communicate effectively, manage a household budget, and master the forgotten art of cooking.

We live in a society that puts more effort into extravagant one-day weddings than preparing to be a wife forever. And who can blame us. It’s really easy to get distracted by the idea of being a beautiful bride who is the center of attention.

But Esther didn’t go into the palace on day 1 planning a lavish wedding ceremony. She was more focused on what it would take to walk side-by- side with the king, long term.

She took the time to learn the position before she took the position.

Along with dreaming of the perfect wedding day, go further and dream of the perfect marriage.  Then do your part to make it happen.

How To Prepare to be a Wife

For 12 months, each woman had to purify herself and apply beauty treatments.

Only at the end of 12 months would each woman get a chance to impress the king.

Twelve months of purification and beauty treatments sound rather vain— even by today’s standards.

But what if you took the time to beautify yourself on the inside? What if you took more time to make yourself attractive mentally and spiritually before getting married?

In modern times, we don’t have attendants and hand maidens to teach us how to be wives. But we do have the Bible, pastors, books, and blogs like this : )

What can you do now to prepare you to be the queen forever?

6 Times You Should Give Your Partner A Second Chance

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Every person has a list of dealbreakers in a relationship. Even the most dedicated ride-or-die types can find themselves walking out the door when their S.O. crosses a certain boundary. But how do you know when to stay and when to walk away? When you’re single, it’s easy to have a long list of reasons why you would end a relationship. The reality of being with someone that you love and care for is a different story.

While every couple will face their unique challenges, there are certain instances that you should definitely give your significant other a second chance. You may have struggled with forgiving too much in the past and now, you cut people off the second they do something you deem offensive. While this is a surefire way to safeguard your heart, it’s also a good way to wind up twinged with regret and wondering, “What if?”

Here are six definitive times you should give your partner a second chance and how to go about it.

1. When You Have More Than Just Love

Love itself is a difficult concept for many people to define, especially during the early stages of a relationship. There are different psychological theories that address the various stages of love, but all of them agree that love itself is not enough to sustain a relationship.

You can love someone and still not be the right match for them. But if you and your partner have a deeper level of intimacy, trust, attachment, and connection, there may be a bigger reason to stay and work things out.

Obviously, this doesn’t hold true in instances of domestic violence, emotional abuse or chronic infidelity. But many of the smaller squabbles that get blown out of proportion in relationships can become lessons that bring you closer together.

2. When You Know This Isn’t That Big of a Deal

When a relationship begins to become more serious and integrated into your daily life, there will be times that you really don’t want to compromise. Maybe your partner is way messier than you and you just can’t see yourself picking up their dirty clothes the rest of your life. Or maybe they don’t want a cat, and you really, really want a cat and have ever since you started idolizing Taylor Swift.

Listen. This isn’t always easy, and there are absolutely certain things you should never compromise: Think your personal values and morals. But if you truly care for someone and want them to be in your life, you will have to be more flexible and understand that getting close to another person requires attention, adaption, and appreciation on both ends.
Get a hamper. Rotate chores. Pick a pet you both like. There are plenty of relationship challenges that can be mutually resolved.

3. When You Can Tell They’re Trying to Improve

Don’t focus on apologies, focus on actions. Does your partner only treat you well when they’re trying to get back on your good side, or do they take your emotions to heart and make a continual effort to improve your relationship?
You’ll have to put your ego aside and level with reality. It’s not always fun, but it can make the difference between staying with a partner you love and ending things prematurely.

4. When You Are Both Committed

An unbalanced level of commitment in a relationship will always lead to heartbreak and frustration. If you and your partner are both committed to overcoming whatever problems you’re facing together, there’s hope, and it’s okay to believe in it.

5. When They’ve Learned Their Lesson

Don’t make someone repent for the same mistake endlessly. No one deserves that. If your partner has demonstrated that they truly understand their past transgressions, allow yourself to freedom to forgive.

6. They Are Truly Sorry

An apology doesn’t always fix a situation. Is your partner sorry that they hurt you, or are they sorry they got reprimanded? Every situation is different, but it’s important to address each circumstance and cast aside your own pride. You can accept someone’s sincere apology and still be angry. Emotions take time. You can work through them. But think twice before you sacrifice an entire relationship over something someone genuinely regrets doing.

Sometimes, it’s easy to answer the question, “Should I break up with my partner?” But every couple is different, and there are always unique circumstances to consider. Talk with your partner and, if possible, go to therapy. It can help each of you grow as individuals as well as a couple. Even if things don’t work out, you’ll be able to rest assured with the knowledge that you made the most informed decision and put forth your greatest effort.

If Your Partner Keeps Gaslighting You, Here’s What You Can Do

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If you have ever been involved with a gaslighter, then you are well-aware of just how awful it can be. A gaslighter has no problem manipulating and deceiving their way out of any incident, all the while making you doubt your own reality. Gaslighting can happen to men and women of all ages, and it is a form of emotional abuse that can cause a person serious damage.

You may wonder exactly what the term “gaslighter” means. A person who gaslights another manipulates them into believing they are crazy in some way. The term became popular from a 1944 film known as Gaslight in which a husband begins to trick his new lover into believing she is seeing and hearing things. Gaslighters are manipulators who will lie and deceive you in order to gain power. They want you to believe that things are all in your head or that you are just sensitive.

Stephanie Sarkis is the author of a book about gaslighters. She insists, as do others, that this is a true form of emotional abuse. Is it that serious? Yes, it is. If a person gaslights you, they are trying to make you feel as though you are unstable or crazy. They are attempting to make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings. However, a gaslighter can be subtle at times, so it is important to be able to recognize the signs of one.

A gaslighter is a wounded person, according to Dori Gater, a psychotherapist in Connecticut. They must feel as though they are always right. If they don’t, they feel threatened. This makes them very challenging to deal with. You can’t argue with a person who gaslights you because defensive behavior is another strong quality they have.

How will a person respond to you during an argument or fight if they are a gaslighter? They will convince you that you are acting crazy or are hysterical. The more that you try to defend your words and actions, the more they will throw frustrating statements at you. You’ll begin to feel off-balance and confused from their words, making it seem as if you are, in fact, the problem. You’ll start to feel as though maybe you are overreacting and are being crazy.

So, what can be done? Tell whoever is doing the gaslighting that while you understand what they are saying, it isn’t the experience you are having. You can also try asking them to talk out the problem because you are seeing things much differently. It is important to never second-guess yourself when your gut feeling is telling you what is right and wrong. You may also want to keep written notes if this happens frequently.

Men And Women Can Never Be “Just Friends” (Or Can They?)

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Can women and men be “just friends”? Is it possible to have a girl friend or a guy friend without eventually developing romantic feelings for them?

Happy couple lying and laughing

Here’s something interesting, almost all of my romantic relationships started with that famous saying, “Oh, we’re just friends.”

I vividly remember other people asking me about that one guy I used to spend so much time with. Whenever someone asked me if we were together, I would immediately laugh in a sarcastic way.

I felt in a way offended by others asking me such questions because I couldn’t imagine being in a romantic relationship with him – my guy best friend.

After some time, I “somehow magically” changed my opinion. Actually, I was scared of myself because I didn’t even know that those feelings existed in me until then.

Never had I dreamed of falling in love with my guy best friend (I repeated that sentence one too many times in my head).

I wasn’t only mad at myself but at the whole universe for not giving us a chance to be “just friends” with people of the opposite gender.

But then again, I still have other guy friends with whom I haven’t fallen in love “yet.” I guess the keyword here is the word YET (or maybe not).

Is it possible for a man and a woman to be “just friends” without eventually falling for each other?

Given that this is a complex matter and there is no right or wrong answer, I’ll just express my personal opinion in the hope that this will help you find an answer or a hypothesis for yourself.

My personal opinion is that men and women can be “just friends,” but chances are that at some point, they will fall for each other.

They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. That cliché perfectly describes the differences between men and women.

Well, there is probably a reason why we’re so different from each other.

To understand it better, let’s list a few things (read: gender stereotypes) that are characteristic of men and women:

  • Unlike men, women like to talk a lot.
  • Unlike women, men have difficulties expressing their feelings.
  • Unlike men, women are more sensitive.
  • Unlike women, men like to brag and show off their strength and masculinity.

If we look closely at the above list, we can draw some logical conclusions. For example, women like to hang out with men because they don’t talk that much, which means they will listen to them.

Or men like to hang out with women because they are more sensitive, which helps them open up and be vulnerable. You see, the reason why we’re so different is that we’re supposed to complement each other.

Both men and women offer something that the other gender doesn’t. So, yes, it is not only possible to be “just friends” with the opposite sex, but it is necessary.

Every girl should have a male best friend and vice versa.

By surrounding ourselves with different types of people and people from the opposite gender, we learn new perspectives, understanding how the opposite gender functions – we are evolving.

Yet, these differences can also attract us on a deeper level to the opposite sex

man and woman eating ice cream while sitting on stairs

You know everything about each other, you talk about your fears, dreams, you have an extensive list of inside jokes, and you feel like they are the only person who truly understands you.

But you are still “just friends” with them. Now, the question is: For how long?

At some point, you might find yourself re-reading their texts before going to sleep, listening to their favorite song on repeat, and fantasizing about being more than “just friends.”

At some point, you might start looking for signs your guy friend is falling for you (or your girl friend) while still convincing yourself that you haven’t developed romantic feelings for them.

Perhaps she or he likes you more than a friend but is too afraid to admit it. Maybe both of you feel the same way, but neither of you is brave enough to admit it or talk about it.

You don’t want to ruin your friendship because of something more meaningful you might have in the future. Should I repeat the previous sentence?

Let me tell you one thing. Friendship is one of the most powerful relationships of all.

Everything stems from friendship. The greatest relationships have started with two people being “just friends,” which brings us to another hypothesis:

Being “just friends” is sometimes just a bridge to something more meaningful and larger than ourselves.

Yes, men and women can be “just friends,” but they can also be more than that. Not every friendship is bound to turn into something more meaningful (romantic), which is totally okay.

But sometimes, the reason why you were “just friends” is that you were meant to evolve and become lovers. The thing is, people waste too much time overthinking and defining things.

Why aren’t we be able to do both? Why do people of the opposite gender have to be categorized as either “just friends” or lovers?

When we stop thinking about it and embrace every possible outcome of a friendship (or the lack of thereof), we’ll stop forcing this unnecessary categorization and unpopular or popular opinion.

I’m aware that by saying this, I’m directly criticizing my own story, but maybe that was my intention after all; to make a hypothesis in the title and then prove how it can be wrong.

Nevertheless, learning how to avoid falling in love with a friend can (sometimes) be a real lifesaver

man and woman talking while sitting on rock

While there’s nothing wrong with you two being more than “just friends,” still, if you for some reason don’t feel comfortable with that idea, you need to master how to avoid falling in love with your friend.

Let me start this mini guide by saying that our minds are truly magnificent. You can train yourself not to catch feelings for someone by simply establishing some ground rules:

  • Define your friendship.

Always remind yourself of why you became friends in the first place. Treat your friend of the opposite gender as your family member so that you’re not tempted to think about them as a potential lover.

More importantly, continue dating others and feel free to talk about other guys or girls without worrying about making your friend jealous.

Well, your friend shouldn’t be jealous, and you shouldn’t be worrying about that in the first place.

  • Set boundaries.

Avoid holding hands (if you don’t want to be perceived as a legit couple), avoid snuggling intimately, or kissing.

Also, try limiting time spent with them. Remember that they are not, and they should not be your only friend. You’re supposed to hang out with other people as well, go on dates, and so on.

  • Spend time in groups instead of only one-on-one.

Spending time only one-on-one can be a risky habit. Instead, try spending time in groups, including your other friends as well.

The goal here is to avoid being overly focused on them or establishing a connection only with them.

If your friend still prefers hanging out only one-on-one, then feel free to make up excuses. Also, when spending time one-on-one, stick to public places instead of his or your apartment.

We all know what it means when someone invites you to dinner at their place. If you add wine to the equation, there you have it: From being “just friends” to lovers.

  • Find distractions.

If you notice that you’re catching feelings for them, it’s important to find distractions and surround yourself with other people.

Decrease the amount of time spent with them, go for a walk (without them!), draw something, watch TV shows, go for a drink with some of your friends you haven’t seen in a while.

By distracting yourself, you’ll protect yourself from developing even more feelings for them.

Still, if you notice that it is impossible to distract yourself from thinking about them, you might as well tell them how you feel (but only if you’re ready to become something more).

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” – Dave Matthews

woman with curly hair smiling while looking at man

A friendship is a promise that you’ll always be there for each other no matter what. That promise sometimes evolves into deeper feelings followed by a romantic relationship.

A guy and a girl can be “just friends” and time will show if they were meant to be something more than that.

If A Man Really Loves You, He Will Act Like THIS

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He always replies to your texts without letting you wait too long. He makes all those sweet, romantic gestures other girls are jelly of. He’s gentle, kind, and protective of you.

Sometimes, he acts a little bit distant if he’s going through a stressful time at work, sometimes he fails to meet your expectations, but he’s a good guy, and you’re happy to be with him.

Wait, but does he love you? Has he said those three words already, or are you still waiting for that pivotal moment to happen?

Here’s the thing about men: Even if they say those three words, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s really in love with you. Also, even if he doesn’t say I love you, this doesn’t mean that he’s not in love with you.

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So, how in the world can you know if that man is genuinely in love with you? There are some things that only men who are really in love do. These are usually little things you need to pay attention to if you want to know if he really loves you!

“A man who is truly interested in a woman will find an endless number of reasons why he must see her.

A man who is just playing around – or confused about his own feelings – will find an endless number of excuses why he didn’t show up.” – Charles J. Orlando

One surefire way to know if a man really loves you is by paying attention to his efforts. Does he initiate things? Does he always find a way to see you even when his schedule is hectic?

a couple drinking coffee while walking together in the park

A man who is in love doesn’t play around. Excuses don’t exist in his dictionary, and I want you to memorize that sentence and keep repeating it in your head.

Here’s how I know when a man is in love with me: I mostly pay attention to the amount of time he spends with me. Any man can shower you with expensive gifts, but a man who truly loves you will make sure to find a way to spend quality time with you.

I know for sure that a man loves me if he always finds a way to text me or call me regardless of how busy he is. Even though he has lots of meetings, my man makes sure to call me in between them.

Even though he’s on a call, he doesn’t ignore me but sends me a screenshot so that I know what he’s doing at the moment. Sometimes, he also texts me during calls with other people.

That’s the kind of man I have respect for! That’s the kind of man who doesn’t make excuses but always finds a way to stay in touch with you and make you an active part of his life.

Why?

Because he genuinely cares and loves you.

I always say that time is the most valuable thing. If a man always finds a way to give you his time and attention (especially when you need him), then you know he’s in love with you.

If a man really loves you, he will seek and value your OPINION

woman lying on her boyfriend lap on the sofa and talking with him

It took me some time to realize that a man in love sees his woman as his biggest confidante, partner in crime, adviser, best friend, and lover. If a man seeks your opinion on different matters, then you know you are his goddess!

A man in love will see his woman as his biggest muse, inspiration, and teacher. He will value your opinion before anyone else’s because he trusts you, and you know him best.

A man who is not in love doesn’t act like you are teammates. He makes decisions on his own and keeps his life separate from you. He doesn’t make you an active part of his plans and decisions.

Ladies, this is how you know that he really loves you:

  • He makes an effort to win you every single day.
  • He makes you an active part of his life.
  • Your happiness is his priority.

If a man really loves you, he will not overthink it, but he will listen to his instincts and act accordingly. He will be protective, caring, and loving.

When a man loves a woman, he can become scared of how much he cares about her. His love for you will never be stagnant, but it will multiply every day. A man in love will find ten thousand new ways to prove that to you.

If a man really loves you, he will see a future with you

a couple resting on the bed on moving day

When a man falls in love, he becomes more focused on the future. You know that he really loves you if he sees a future with you instead of only embracing the present.

The reason why he will be more future-oriented is that he wants to make sure you’re happy with him today and a few years later.

He wants to give you the life that you always dreamed of having. He wants to be that one man who will indulge you and show you a different side of life.

When a man is in love, he no longer thinks only about himself. One of the biggest signs he sees a future with you is if he no longer uses the pronoun “I” but “we.”

He listens to your wishes and dreams and does his best to turn them into reality.

Why?

Because he genuinely cares and loves you.

A man who is in love will constantly work on becoming the best version of himself for you. He will also want you to meet his friends and family because you are the woman of his dreams, and he can’t wait to introduce you to them.

If a man really loves you, you will not find the word low-effort in his vocabulary

happy man looking at his girlfriend smelling a red rose

When a man falls in love, his woman becomes something sacred to him. He sees her as a beautiful flower that needs to be watered regularly to continue blooming.

He waters you with compliments, romantic gestures, kindness, generosity, and respect. He never makes you question his love for you.

He never lets you wait. He never disappoints you. Even if he does, he makes sure to apologize for it and never repeat the same mistake.

If a man really loves you, he will take care of you and your needs.

He will not do it because he’s obliged to, but he will do it because he wants to. He will take special care of you, and he will put your needs before his.

When a man falls in love, his world becomes a happier place because his love for you makes it more colorful.

When a man falls in love, he has no time for playing games because he’s busy finding new ways to court you.

When a man falls in love, you can see it in his eyes because his love for you makes them look brighter.

If a man really loves you, he will never make you question it.

They say that any man can love a thousand women, but only a few can love one woman in a thousand ways. If he really loves you, you will be the only woman for him in the world, and he will love you every day a little bit more than yesterday.

He will want to share everything with you because his life is so much more complete with you in it.

He will want to see the real you with all your imperfections and weird habits. He will love you for who you are and not for who he wants you to be.

If a man really loves you, your life will be better with him in it.

5 Reasons to Fight for Your Marriage

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Here are five reasons we should all fight for our marriage with every ounce of our strength.

God Hates Divorce

You know that God hates divorce, even though He loves divorced people. God hates divorce because it destroys the vital unit that is the family. When families crumble, society is weakened. It takes more resources for divided families in society than it does when they stay together. Of course, ongoing, unrepentant adultery justifies divorce, and if there is violence in the home, not only should the person leave that situation, they should by all means remove the children from that home, too. The violent offender needs to be turned into and prosecuted by the law, for there is never any justification for spousal or child abuse. Why fight for your marriage? Is it just to help society? No. God wants you to fight for your marriage, as it’s a God-honored institution (Heb. 13:4) and a God-ordained one (Gen. 2:21-24).

For the Children’s Sake

We know that children that come from single-parent homes or even homes where the spouse has remarried have lower test scores in school, have fewer friends, have more behavioral problems, are less likely to go onto college, and have even less of a chance of graduating from high school. The vicious cycle of poverty, divorce, and not graduating is difficult to break. However, many Christian single parents and those who have remarried have broken this cycle and have lifted their children out of this ongoing circle.

The Bride and Bridegroom Relationship

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” God expects spouses to remain faithful to their own spouse. The intimacy and the relationship of marriage is strongly symbolic of the intimate relationship that Jesus (the Bridegroom) has with the church (the Bride). The church right now is betrothed (engaged) to Christ, and in the Jewish culture, this was seen as legally binding. On the day when the wedding feast takes place between the church and the Lamb, you can just hear the joy of this event: “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready” (Rev. 19:7). The Lamb is Jesus Christ and the “Bride” is the church. Husbands and wives are to have that same relationship in marriage (Eph. 5:25-27), and it is intended to be permanent, just as the Bride and the Bridegroom’s relationship is.

Preserving Agent of Society

The society in which families exist is never stronger than the family that it lives in. Families are the foundation of any nation because they are designed to instill into the next generation biblical morals and core family values. When children are raised in two-parent homes, they are more successful, less dependent on government or state services or subsidies, and as workers, their rate of productivity is generally higher. Also, children raised in a two-parent home have fewer divorces themselves, lower crime rates in the family, less risk for drug or alcohol abuse, and a tendency to live longer, happier lives. A nation that has strong families as the foundation is less likely to have crime, substance abuse, divorces, violence, and other negative occurrences that are detrimental to society.

Reason for Hope

I think you should fight for your marriage if your spouse is seeking and getting counseling or at least wanting to work on themselves. It takes two people working together to make a marriage work. It doesn’t just happen, and it’s not 50/50. If you are fighting for your marriage, then don’t give up hope. God wants you there for a reason. Perhaps it is to help lead an unconverted spouse to Christ. Maybe it’s to learn how to live with people’s differences. Maybe you need to learn how to love unconditionally, which is what God does (John 3:16, Rom. 5:8-10).

Conclusion

There are certainly more than five reasons to fight for your marriage but no less than these five reasons–that God hates divorce (but loves divorced people), what it does to the lives of the children, how it relates to the Bridegroom-Bride relationship, how it benefits not only the family but also society. Marriage is worth fighting for, fighting primarily from our knees.

May God richly bless you,

6 Powerful Prayers For Your Marriage

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Here are 6 powerful but short prayers that I hope can help strengthen your marriage.

Prayer for Unity in the Spirit

God, my Father, I know that my beloved is so different from me and I am supposed to learn how to dwell with my spouse in the unity of the Spirit, and I need Your Spirit to help me know how we can both be of one mind and to grow together in Christ. This is not possible without Your Spirit, God, so help me in ways that are reflective of the similar relationship that the church has with the Head of the Church, Jesus Christ, in Whose righteous name I pray.

Prayer of Thanksgiving

Great heavenly Father, just as our children are a gift from You, so too is my precious spouse. You have been so good to me, for he/she is such a blessing to me and more than I truly deserve, so I praise You for him/her and thank You for this blessed spouse that You sovereignly directed to me. My life is so much richer for him/her, and I thank You, Lord, for this blessing. In the precious name of Christ I pray.

Prayer of Servanthood

God my Father, I need to be a servant of my husband/wife. Help me to have the mind of Christ, to humble myself and not think more highly of myself than I should, to esteem him/her above myself, and to put his/her interests above my own. You sent Your Son to come to die for me, so I should be willing to die to myself daily in order to bring glory to You in my marriage, and in the Great Son of God’s name, Jesus Christ, I pray.

Prayer of Protection

Righteous God, please be with my spouse today and protect him/her from the evil one and the wickedness that is found everywhere in this world. Keep their mind stayed on You, Lord. Deliver them from or protect them from temptations that are all around us both in this world so that he/she might not sin, and to Your Son’s glory, in His name I pray.

Prayer of Restoration

Father God, we often have problems in our marriage, and I need Your help in showing me how to humble myself so that we can confess our sins to one another and to also admit our mistakes and apologize. Sometimes my words are carelessly spoken to his/her heart, and I am so sorry, but I need to tell them as well. I know that we often hurt those we love the most, and where there is great love there is often great pain, so please help restore or repair any damage that I have done in this relationship. Show me by Your Spirit where I need to confess, apologize, and make things right, and in the name above all names, Jesus Christ, I pray.

Prayer of Love

Great God in heaven, I pray for you to help me rekindle that love that I had when I first met my husband/wife and to remind me of what I first saw in him/her so that the romance would be restored because we sometimes get into such a routine in our lives that we often forget what first brought us together. Please help us to remember those earlier times that made us fall in love with each other in the first place, and in Christ’s precious name I pray.

Conclusion

Marriage is a miracle in itself because two people of the opposite sex who have different tendencies that sometimes clash are brought together, and it really takes the Holy Spirit to be that which completes the threefold cord.

May God richly bless you,

How Secrets Can Destroy a Relationship

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Entering into a new relationship can be rather scary for many people. Opening up your heart and home to someone based primarily upon what they have told about themselves is a major step to building trust and living a happy life together. But what happens when you wake up one morning to find that the person you thought you knew was someone opposite of who you fell in love with?

Many times in relationships, one partner may decide to withhold information for one reason or another. Whether it is a secret of the past, current financial standing, or behavior that has taken place during the union, not being forthright in all aspects of one’s life can ultimately damage relationships beyond repair. Almost anyone who has ever experienced the loss of trust can attest to the fact that it is extremely difficult to move on or to get things back to the way they once were.

Once that trust is lost, it is nearly impossible to regain, leaving the relationship in disarray. With this knowledge, why do people still choose to be dishonest or not forthcoming to others? Or is it okay to hold on to information that one thinks the other should not know?

The Center For Thriving Relationships lists three ways that secrets can destroy relationships.

  • They can create a barrier to connection.
  • They will wear away at trust.
  • Gaslighting occurs and it’s psychologically abusive.

When information is withheld or fabricated, the one who is holding on to such knowledge may tend to hide their true feelings in other areas. Because they know the truth, it can become difficult to display their authentic selves when interacting with their partner.

Conversely, when the secret is uncovered, the partner who is finding out this new information most often feels betrayed. They will most likely question everything about their partner moving forward, to include if they really ever loved them at all. The connection that was once felt is now broken.

Trust issues are inevitable when lies are revealed. There is nothing worse than finding out that you have been lied to and betrayed by the one you love. Breaking the trust with someone will almost always drive a wedge, especially between lovers.

Gaslighting often happens when the secret-keeper refuses to take responsibility of their actions, but will rather find a way to make the other feel bad or guilty for their reaction. This is the salt in the wound, so to speak. As if it were not enough to be lied to, following it up with being accused by the one who is actually guilty has to be the ultimate betrayal.

Anyone of these aforementioned outcomes are destructive to relationships and should be considered whenever one is making the decision to keep information from their partners. While some may overlook such issues depending upon the level of betrayal that was committed, there will always be a lingering feeling that your partner may be lying.

Additionally, a secret can be damaging to any type of relationship, not just romantic. Therefore, in order to create a solid foundation and interact freely with others, it is always best to be forthright with information and allow the other person to choose whether or not they want to continue on the journey with you.

9 Reasons to Turn Him into Your Husband

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If your guy does any of these 9 things, chances are he’s the man you should turn into your husband.

1. He accepts your craziness.
Let’s be honest, shall we? All women have a tendency to be a little less reserved when we are falling for a man. We tend to stop thinking so much with our brains and use more of our emotions to guide the way. The problem with emotions is that they make us seem a little – crazy. It’s the one who accepts it with an understanding that is worthy of forever.

2. He allows you to be a woman.
If he scolds you for lifting a heavy object, your only reaction should be a smile. When he tries to solve your problems – let him! Most of us are so used to being independent that we get offended by the word “help”. It makes us feel weak and inferior when someone else tries to take control of our issues. That is the one you need to remind you of your femininity.

3. He treats your family as his own.
Whether it’s quality time spent with your dad on the golf course, volunteering to clean your mom’s shutters, or constantly making plans with your kids; these are things you should treasure. Believe it or not, a man who wants a relationship with those that have a relationship with you is thinking long-term.

4. He talks to you.
This is a big one. Ever notice how hard it is to get a man to open up about…anything? According to American Psychological Associations President and Nova Southeastern University Psychologist Ronald F. Levant, Ed D, there is a term for this; “normative male alexithymia” – literally “without words for emotions”. Don’t expect him to sit down and tell you how often he thought of you every day. However, if he doesn’t mind filling you in, you should be proud to be his woman, as this is a rarity.

5. Compromises are frequent.

Remember begging your ex to do something that interested you, though you volunteered to do EVERYTHING he liked? Total opposites, right? Of course, don’t expect him to watch every “$ex and the City” rerun with you, but does he sit through one tear-jerker in exchange for an afternoon of sports?

6. Every moment is reminiscent of him.
This is an obvious one but you’d be surprised how many women deny it. For back-up, I went to Laura Argintar’s blog Your text to link… where she states that if that cheesy love song comes on and you think of him even after the “honeymoon phase”, he’s a keeper. If he’s the first one you call after some exciting news, let him be the one you run to.

7. He’s supportive.
Research done at Wharton University of Pennsylvania notes that according to Betsy Myers, director of the Center for Women and Business at Bentley University in Waltham Massachusetts, “…hundreds of women could not have gotten to where they are without their incredibly supportive husband…” If he’s more interested in your career than you are he’s showing that he believes in you. Believe in his love for you.

8. He understands your faults.
You know that thing you do that even you can’t stand? That flaw that ran away the last guy you were dating (and everyone before him)? No need to worry because this guy gets it. He looks past it or helps you past it without judgment.

9. You’re in his future.
He takes you along to all of the family gatherings. He encourages joint purchases and asks your opinion on career moves. These are signs pointing to his willingness to share the rest of his life with you. Say “I do”.

The Healthy Side of Jealousy in Marriage

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Can jealousy be a good thing? Is jealousy in a marital relationship healthy? It is understandable that these questions readily spring to your mind when reading the title of this article. Jealousy is one of those words that automatically give off a negative connotation, and one can easily assume that it is always bad. There is certainly enough evidence and experience to back up the negative and unhealthy side of jealousy which definitely can wreak havoc in any relationship. However, not too much is said about the healthy side of jealousy. So lets’ take some time to explore this interesting aspect of healthy jealousy in marriage.

What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy jealousy?

This is a very important question and a good starting point for our discussion. Although at first glance it may be difficult to distinguish between the two, when you take a closer look you will find that healthy and unhealthy jealousy differ fundamentally as follows:

  • Healthy Jealousy:

This is when there is a deep and sincere commitment to the relationship and any outside threat is met with healthy jealousy as a means of safeguarding the marriage.

  • Unhealthy Jealousy:

This usually stems from insecurity and is characterized by threats and lies as well as feelings of inferiority and self-pity.

Is it normal to feel jealous?

Studies have shown that most marriage counselors would attest to the fact that approximately one third of marriage problems involve some form of jealousy. Indeed, jealousy is a very normal human emotion which tends to surface sooner or later in every marriage.

What does healthy jealousy indicate in a marriage?

When there is healthy jealousy between a loving couple it is often a good sign which indicates at least four things:

  • Commitment:

Twinges of jealousy shows that they are committed to each other and to their relationship – that is why they care if a third party begins edging between them and affecting the closeness that they had been enjoying.

  • Accountability:

Jealousy is an indication that there is a valuable accountability structure in place. If one spouse goes off and starts behaving inappropriately with others they will soon start to feel the jealous vibes from their husband or wife letting them know that they are out of line.

  • Protection:

The value of healthy jealousy is that it forms a protective layer around the marriage relationship, safeguarding each other’s hearts.

  • Confrontation:

When the warning bells of healthy jealousy begin to ring, the threats or potential threats to the marriage can be confronted and effectively dealt with before the marriage is harmed.

What are some causes of jealousy?

The causes of jealousy in a relationship can be as many and as varied as the individuals themselves and their differing circumstances. But generally speaking, here are five of the most common scenarios which usually tend to cause jealousy:

  • Flirting or being flirted with:

Flirting is probably the number one cause of jealousy. Sometimes someone can start hitting on your spouse without warning and your spouse may not even be aware of what is happening. And then in the other case your spouse may be the one who gives off flirtatious signals to someone else. Either way it is a cause for healthy jealousy if you want to protect and preserve your marriage relationship.

  • Making admiring comments about others:

If you or your spouse make admiring comments about others, especially about their physique or their physical appearance, it can be very hurtful and can cause undue jealousy in your relationship. It could make you feel like you are being unfavourably compared with someone that your spouse finds more attractive than you.

  • Seeking the advice of others:

Perhaps your spouse is always discussing important matters and seeking advice from his or her family and friends without first talking it through with you. This can arouse negative emotions of jealousy and offense as you could feel slighted and overlooked. As the significant other you would rightly expect your thoughts, opinions and advice to be of primary importance and concern to your spouse.

  • Spending excessive time with someone or something else:

It is not always that only  other people can cause jealousy in your relationship. It may be your spouse’s work. Perhaps your spouse is very often away from home on business trips without you. If he or she is a workaholic and spends excessive time at the office, it is possible that sooner or later some jealousy may arise in your relationship.

  • Putting others first:

If you have made plans to do something together, and then your spouse’s friend or family member phones with a request for help of some kind – then your spouse says, “Sure, no problem, I’ll be right over.” And off he goes, leaving you high and dry, because the needs of others always take precedence to your needs. This is indeed grave cause for jealousy in your marriage.

 

How can you make the most of jealousy in your marriage?

When the green-eyed monster of healthy jealousy raises its head in your marriage, what can you do about it in order to draw closer as a couple and not let it push you apart? Here are three tips for making the most of jealousy:

  • Don’t ignore the red flags:

Choose to see your spouse’s jealousy as a warning flag of danger ahead. Instead of brushing his or her concerns aside, rather confront the issues and make appropriate changes that will protect your marriage against any cracks.

  • Be honest with each other:

This is where you need to learn to trust each other’s instincts. If your spouse feels uncomfortable with the way someone else is relating to you, be willing to examine your reactions carefully and take action to reconnect with the one you chose to marry.

  • Set healthy boundaries:

Every healthy marriage has boundaries, and these are worked out and mutually agreed upon by both of you. Some couples don’t mind a little casual flirting here and there, while others find that their jealousy levels will not tolerate any flirting outside of their relationship. In this way jealousy becomes an extremely useful tool for developing the healthy boundaries within which your marriage relationship can thrive.

6 Things Men Really Want In A Relationship

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Here are 6 Things Men Really Want In A Relationship

• Appreciation
Men often complain that their partners don’t appreciate them or say what they like about them. The term ‘male ego’ is famous, and as a partner you must take care of your man’s ego. Praise him and appreciate his effort, efficiency, love, and love-making prowess. They really love to hear how good they are in bed. Most men don’t require constant appreciation but when something is good why not just say it and improve his day? Keep telling your man about his good looks, gestures, and whatever you like about him.

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• Communication
Often women feel their men should get their clues or hints to find out what’s missing or bothering them, but men actually need good communication to know these things, and will rarely get your clues. Lack of communication leads to disappointment in women (as to why he is not getting any clue) and irritation in men.

7 Reasons Why Women Fall For The Wrong Man

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Here are a few reasons why women fall for the wrong man:

1. Ladies, you know how people always say, “Actions speak louder than words?” Well, this very saying is getting a lot of you in big trouble. Yes, actions do speak, but please understand actions also lie and in some cases lie more than words. Actions only speak louder when the heart and motives of the person pursing you is pure. If that is not the case, then what you have is manipulation and womanizing. Many men already know they can fool you with actions and words, so stop believing actions mean anything unless it’s done consistently over a long period of time. Don’t forget this consistency also includes you. Your job is not to sit around and watch what he does while you do nothing. That is selfish and speaks of fear, etc.

2. You have sex with a man and become closer to him than you really think you are. Sex causes soul ties and makes you emotional, thus you feel closer to a man than you really are. I don’t have to tell you how to avoid this mistake you, because you already know. Good or great sex will always cause a woman to be with a man longer than she should and be with the wrong man.

3. Women are moved by beautiful things like shoes, curtains, homes, candles and a handsome man. There is more to a man than his looks. If you fall easy for nice looking men, find out why and make the correction.

4. You are a 30+ year old woman who is worried about being married, having kids before a certain age, or believing the lie there is something wrong with you being single. Of course there is nothing wrong with you being single. When you do worry, you will settle for the wrong man or make the wrong choice in a man.

5. You allow your self-esteem or insecurities to allow you to settle for anyone who gives you a lot of attention. A man shouldn’t have to make you feel secure in yourself or about yourself. You should feel this way because you are a child of God. I know we all have insecurities we need to grow and work on, but don’t allow them to cause you to have bad relationships, push good people away, or cause you to fall for the wrong man.

6. Thinking you can change a man is a very common mistake and it will always cause women to stay with men who have no desire to change. Keep in mind there are men who do want to change and become better men, so I am not talking about those guys. I am talking about those who have no desire for anything more than they are already doing. Nothing.

7. You are afraid of being alone so you are with men for companionship, sex, a warm body, dates, etc… Of course, when you do this, you can’t expect anything good to come from it. Thus, when something bad is the outcome, you will result to playing victim and adding to the hurt or bitterness you already carry in your heart.

ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED WOMAN By Seun-Oladele?

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It’s possible to meet the woman of your dreams. The problem is, she is a happily (or unhappily) married woman with (or without) kids. You know you shouldn’t be feeling the way you do but you seem helpless and powerless each time you see her or think about her, you are madly in love with her and most times dream of having her. Alright bro., I perfectly understand those feelings but you need to regain your sanity fast and put things in the right perspective before you do something silly or dangerous.
You are at the moment going through “insanity”. You can’t think straight. Your thinking is upside down and you need to gain sanity fast before you chase her, date her, sleep with her and end up going crazy!
Here are the things you need to remember when your hormones are burning hot for a married woman:
1. SHE IS A MARRIED WOMAN: She is someone else’s property. His signature is written all over her. He has paid her dowry so close your eyes and let her go -forget her!
2. HER HUSBAND IS JEALOUS: Which is normal. Some have abnormal jealousy that is murderous and full of rage. Countless stories abound of husbands killing their wives or her boyfriend. Time won’t permit me to recount stories of wives being maimed, battered, butchered, killed, burnt to death, roasted, cut to pieces, etc as result of adultery. Some laid “magun” on their wives. Any man who sleeps with her will find himself in his early grave.
Some took the law in their hands and shot the boyfriend dead. Some hired assassins to carry out the act and so on and so forth. If you do not want your premature death and the premature death of your “lover”, steer clear of the relationship now! No man takes adultery lightly, no man! When you have sex with his wife, you break his pride and he will show you he is a man!
3. IT ATTRACTS GENERATIONAL CURSES: Someone else will chase your wife, sleep with her and same will happen to your daughters and grand daughters.
4. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE: No natter how virtuous your wife is, you will never trust her. You will always watch your back fearing some man somewhere is sleeping with her behind your back. You will be paranoid, neurotic, psychotic and manic depressive.
A friend narrated the hell she was going through with her husband who could sleep with anything in skirt. Despite the fact that she married as a virgin, he never trusted her. He believed men were chasing her and even beat her blue black for registering her last born in school. He believed she was sleeping with the proprietor. She must not greet any man on the street but he could sleep with anyone he likes including married women.
5. YOU WILL NOT PROSPER: I’m yet to see men who sleep around prosper in the true sense of the word.
6. YOU WILL SPEND ETERNITY IN HELL: God frowns at adultery. The Bible says, “…fornicators and adulterers God will judge….” adultery is a terrible thing.
So brother, before you go chasing that woman, think about all these. They are real and they happen to real people. Be careful what you sow, for whatever you sow you shall reap. Be careful and stay far away from that woman.
God bless you. Cheers!

Dear Single Girl: 5 Things I Want You to Know

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I don’t know you personally, yet, but there are a few things I want to tell you with the hope that I will get to know you some day.

Actually, there are 5 things I want you to know:

How to get a man’s attention.

The guy that you are looking for isn’t attracted to charm as much as he is Godliness because beauty fades but Godliness GROWS.

I know that the culture will tell you that guys are turned away and intimidated by girls that love Jesus and have strong values and convictions. Culture is wrong; boys may be turned away by strong convictions, but men are not.

Be the woman God has called you to be, and a godly man will notice.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.  (1 Peter 3:3-5)

Run from “Prince Charming”.

Some girls seem to give attention to every smooth talker and cool dresser that comes their way.

Please don’t do that; be patient and wait on a man who is concerned with pursuing Jesus, not another trophy. Only give the GROWING, God fearing man a chance to pursue you.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain (Proverbs 31:30).

I am just a guy, not a God.

A guy will crumble under the weight of being your God. No other person can complete you or make you happy.

There are lots of great physical and emotional benefits that come from a relationship, but none of it is enough to sustain a healthy loving marriage if your faith is not in Jesus.

No guy will complete you, so don’t put him on that pedestal (he will fall).

Don’t wait on me, pursue Jesus.

From my male perspective, there is nothing more attractive than a woman being obedient to Jesus and taking the risk to follow Jesus wherever He leads.

Too many times I notice girls in the church just sitting and waiting on a man to come and rescue them from a life of boredom.

When it comes time for me to pick a partner, I want somebody that can follow me on an adventure, not someone that is used to doing nothing and complaining about the fact that no one is interested in them.

Pursue Jesus and I will pursue you when He gives me the green light.

Time is not running out. Singleness is a gift, not a curse.

You want to be beautiful? Put your hope in God and don’t give way to fear; trust His timing. Don’t waste your single years by always waiting on what is next and turning yourself into a man chaser.

Let’s follow God right now and trust Him to take care of the next. God is sovereign and able to direct both of us to each other when the time is right.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)

Until Then,

A Single Guy

Dear God, I Don’t Want To Be Single

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I didn’t want to be alone when I was single. My single state felt like an uncomfortable glove. I was addicted to love and the feeling it produced in me. I wasn’t very selective when it came to choosing whom the love came from, I just wanted someone to quell my desire; at the time I didn’t see it that way, I just called it “dating”. One failed relationship proceeded another in hopes that the giddiness of new love would numb out the pain of the previous one.

Looking back it was a destructive vicious cycle with no end. I tried justifying every failure with, “well he wasn’t the one… next”. I was in search of love and validation that I was worth loving. I can only imagine what God was thinking as He looked down at His precious creation. Me.

I prayed for my husband since I was 13 years old but I didn’t have the patience to sit and wait on the Lord. I figured God would work through my reckless decisions and give me my well deserved happy ending. That erroneous thought process led me down dark paths and caused me worthless pain, pain that God did not intend for me to suffer, but I thought I knew better than God. God wasn’t fast enough so the next logical thing was “I thought” to  help Him. Little did I know that instead of helping Him I was thwarting His perfect plan for me and delaying His best.

For so many years I chased love when all the while love was chasing me. Through all my heartbreaks the Lord silently sat by my side nursing my tears and knitting my heart back together. He silently waited for me to finally realize that it was His love I longed for.

Does this sound eerily similar?

Are you afraid of being alone?

Are you struggling during the wait?

Don’t thwart God’s plan for your life by taking the lead in your story. Stop looking for love because at the end of the day no human love will ever fill the need implanted in your heart by God himself. He knew before your existence that your need for love would lead you to seek more, to seek Him.

Don’t fear what comes along with being single, let God show you the wonderful things that can be birthed during this time. Stop seeking love from others and allow His love to take over. Let it do what it’s meant to do which is to complete and satisfy.

When a Man Is Not Ready…

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When a woman gets to the stage where marriage seems to be the single most important thing in the universe, the doors of temptation fling wide open. Patience, grace, and feminine mystique are put to the ultimate test.

But sisters, here’s one thing to remember; DO NOT approach a man when he is hungry or thirsty!

My dad does not function very well when he is hungry. My brother, who everyone knows is super humorous and cheerful can be a tantrum-throwing baby and completely irrational when he’s hungry (maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit.

But the point is, I have noticed that these two main men in my life don’t like to be bothered when they are hungry. 

Boaz, Ruth’s husband was apparently the same way, hence Naomi’s instructions;

“Wash yourself therefore, and anoint yourself and put on your best clothes, and go down to the threshing floor; but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking.” (Ruth 3:3)

Naomi decided that it was time for Ruth to be married. She instructed her to prepare herself and go down to the threshing floor where Boaz would be winnowing barley (in other words – he was at a place where he was separating trash from treasure). Ruth was to wait for four things to happen;

1. Wait until he’s done his work (of separating trash from treasure)

2. Wait until he is done eating

3. Wait until he is done drinking

4. Wait until he is sleeping

The same instructions are given to virtuous women today. If you notice a young man who you are impressed to see as fit to take on the role of husband, father, and priest, you must ensure that he has done his work of getting rid of “chaff” in his life.

Psalm 1:4 lets us know… “Boaz was winnowing in order to get rid of the “worthless” part of the grain.”

Everyone has chaff and there are some things that you cannot afford to allow into a relationship.

From a distance, Ruth waited and watched Boaz thresh barley. From a distance, you must also take notice to see whether this man is actively working with the Lord to get rid of “worthless things” in his life.

Then she had to wait until he was done eating.

“Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.” (John 6:35)

A man who is still hungry has not yet come to Jesus, and if he is thirsty, he has not yet believed in your Savior. 

According to Health Day News, researchers found that “when people are hungry, they are more likely to be angry or aggressive…the reason why: serotonin levels — a  hormone that helps regulate behavior, fluctuate when people are  stressed out or haven’t eaten.”

Basically, when someone is hungry, the levels of serotonin are so affected that it causes one to react in anger, irritation, or frustration. You can expect a man who is not spiritually fed to react in the same manner.

Finally, Ruth had to wait until Boaz was asleep.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”(Matthew 11:28)

Has this man found spiritual rest in Christ? Too many men are stressed out, burnt out, and have no rest. These characteristics will add stress to your relationship. It is vital that he finds rest for his soul.

Note that before God brought Eve to Adam, Adam had eaten , he had rivers of pure water , he had his work , and he fell asleep. All these Boaz had also done. Now it’s time for Ruth to make her entrance!

But wait…

Maybe you’re thinking that in order for this man to notice you, you have to do something to make him notice you right? No, Ruth does the opposite…she lies down. She doesn’t make any sound to wake up Boaz. Ruth approached quietly…and lay down.

When the time comes for you to make yourself known to a man worthy of you, you make your self known by not making yourself known.

Proverbs 25:2 says “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter but the glory of kings to search it out.”

If a man is truly a Godly king, the Lord will wake him up to your presence and he will search you out. All you have to do is “lay low” and let the Lord wake him up.

How to Know When a Healthy Relationship Is No Longer Serving You

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When you think about what a healthy relationship might look like, you may consider a few infamous couples as examples, whether it’s the childhood romance of Cory and Topanga or the royal bonanza that is Kate and William. But while anyone would hope to one day be in a relationship like these, that doesn’t mean that you and a potential partner will live happily ever after. Why? Because being in a healthy and mature relationship doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve found “The One.”

Yes, you both may share the same core values, support one another’s dreams, and may even like the same movies, but maybe something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe the relationship is no longer serving you. According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of Joy from Fear, while a healthy relationship should involve each person to grow while supporting their partner’s own evolution, if the partnership “begins to prevent or no longer support this essential growth, then the relationship is no longer being of service to one or both partners.”

Long story short: this sucks.

When you begin to notice something is off with your relationship, even when it feels and looks like it could fit into a Nicholas Sparks movie, it can truly mess with your heart and mind — but that doesn’t make what you’re experiencing any less true. “Healthy relationships can hit a breaking point because the couple cannot reach what should be the next level of emotional intimacy and closeness,” Shannon Thomas, trauma therapist and author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, said. “Sometimes it’s as simple as personality differences that cause a relationship to no longer serve us. Whatever gets in the way of our growing deeper in the relationship can become a permanent barrier.”

But even when your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong, how exactly do you know when a healthy relationship is no longer for you? Read below to see what these experts have to say.

1. You’re feeling irritable for no reason

While it’s completely normal to feel irritable with your partner every now and then, it shouldn’t be an emotion that you’re constantly feeling. Do you want to wring their neck because they’re breathing right next to you or do you feel annoyed when they want to hug you? “This irritation often covers an underlying sense of feeling stuck or restricted,” Dr. Manly explained. So if this emotion feels all-too-familiar, then it might be time to investigate why you’re feeling like this in the first place.

2. You’re longing for freedom and imagining your life without them

If you’re dreaming about flying to Paris without your S.O., it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. When a partnership is no longer serving you, you may not see a need for this person to be a part of your life anymore. For instance, Thomas explained that when we’re ready to move on from a healthy relationship, we may begin making plans without our partners. “When we begin envisioning aspects of our life and our current significant other isn’t in the picture, it’s a solid indicator we may be ready to end the relationship,” she said.

3. You’re staying at the office longer than you normally would

Clocking in extra hours at the office is never a good idea when you’re only doing it to try to avoid your S.O. at home. According to Dr. Manly, choosing to stay at the office longer by offering to do extra projects could mean that you’re over the relationship. However, keep in mind of your behavior at home, too. Dr. Manly continued by saying that if you also find yourself putting all your attention into working as home as well, this is also a clear sign that your partnership is no longer serving you.

4. You’re focusing more of your time and energy on your friendships

The one great thing about being in a healthy relationship is that you never have to worry about offending your partner if you want to hang out with your friends; however, there could be an underlying issue with your relationship if you’re constantly going out and leaving your partner at home. “A dissatisfied partner might become more invested in friendships if a healthy relationship is no longer of service,” Dr. Manly said. “There is often an increased interest in being more involved in social activities — those that act as a distraction and improvement to life with one’s partner.”

5. You’re bored

“Feelings of boredom or indifference are often signs that an otherwise healthy relationship is no longer serving us,” Thomas said. This could mean that you’re no longer excited to see your partner, and when you do hang out with them, you may place all your attention on doing other activities, such as looking on social media, texting your friends, or maybe choosing to only listen to half of their conversation because your mind is going elsewhere.

6. You’re not keeping in touch with them while you’re apart

Let’s be honest: Do you think about your partner when you’re away? Are they the first person you want to tell good news to? “When trying to figure out if a relationship serves us or not, it’s helpful to observe whether we look forward to spending time with our partner or keeping in touch with them while apart during the day,” Thomas explained. If you realize that your healthy relationship is no longer doing it for you, try not to feel guilty. “This simple observation of how we desire to spend our time can tell us a lot. We must give ourselves the freedom to be honest in our answers and not feel guilty for whatever we are currently feeling about the relationship,” Thomas continued. “We owe it to ourselves, to be honest, and not remain in a relationship that no longer serves us; even if that relationship is overall healthy.”

Now what?

If you feel like you’re experiencing some of the above, don’t fret. Dr. Manly has provided a slew of questions you can ask yourself in addition to examples of answers you should look out for to help you determine how this relationship is making you feel. Just remember there’s no right or wrong answer and to be utterly honest with yourself.

What do I want from this relationship and am I getting it? Can it change?

“I know what I want from my relationship. Here’s the list: mutual love, companionship, mutual support, adventure, intellectual stimulation, constant growth as a couple and as individuals, laughter, emotional connection, sexual intimacy, a sense of family and future, etc. Here’s what I am NOT getting from this list: A sense of growing together and separately, emotional connection.”

What do I want to be giving in this relationship and am I giving it? Can it change?

“Here’s the list: Commitment, love, growth, kindness, respect, honesty, fun, sexual intimacy, a sense of stability. Here’s what I’m not giving to the best of my ability: Commitment, sexual intimacy, fun.” Can it change? “I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought of this before, so I want to give it a better try.”

What do I want from my partner in this relationship and am I getting it? Can it change?

“I want these things from my partner: Affection, honesty, respect, emotional support, emotional connection, intelligent discussion, kindness, lots of tenderness, fun/playfulness, good sex but in moderation, a sense of wanting to constantly evolve. Here’s what they’re not giving me: Enough daily affection, greater emotional connection, a sense of evolving (both him and our relationship — I feel stuck!)” Can it change? “I need to have an open, direct discussion to see what might open up. Who knows, maybe both of us feel stuck.”

Am I seeking something (or many things) from my partner or the relationship that I should be seeking from myself?

“This question makes me think that maybe I’m looking to my partner to get me unstuck from many areas in life. Maybe I need to look at myself to see if it’s my job, friends, and the daily grind that has me feeling stuck. I’m going to investigate this before making a rash decision that it’s my relationship or partner — and not me — that has me feeling stuck. But, if I find that the relationship is no longer serves me, I will make a commitment to move forward.

At the end of the day, it might be hard to come to terms with the fact that while the relationship you’re in is healthy, it’s no longer serving you. Just remember to be kind to yourself and be honest with your partner about the way you feel. While you want to respect the relationship you’re currently in, you also want to respect the relationship you have with yourself.

7 Things You Should Do If You Want To Attract Godly Relationships

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7 Things You Should Do If You Want To Attract Godly Relationships

It is so often easy to get caught up in the world’s way of doing things, especially when it comes to love relationships but a Christian single man who has the right intentions will not be attracted by worldly tactics.

Often people respond to this by saying that God isn’t interested in our love relationships and this is too small to bother God with but it most definitely is not too small for God.

The world attracts men using physical attraction and the result will almost certainly be a physical relationship.

How you present yourself will greatly determine the type of guy you will attract into relationships and if you are looking for a faithful and Christian relationship, it is important to make sure you are not using worldly tactics to attract a Godly man.

Here are 7 things you should do if you want to attract Godly relationships…

1. Present yourself well

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. – Proverbs 31:30 

When relationships are built on superficial things such as your looks, your beautiful face, or your curves, what keeps him there once those things begin to fade away?

Nothing. But when he is attracted to the Godliness in you, you have a solid foundation to build a Godly relationship.

First impressions really do count and how you present yourself will speak volumes about your personality and the type of lady you are.

Modesty is key. Don’t go overboard trying to get a man to notice you. Because if he’s meant to be your Godly man, he will notice with little or no effort on your part.

2. Be confident and secure

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. – Proverbs 31:10

Confidence in a woman who knows what she is worth and that she is valuable will automatically make her more attractive.

Show inwardly and outwardly that you won’t just settle for anything or anyone.

Learn to love yourself for who you are and how you look, how you carry yourself and that will shine through in your personality.

This doesn’t mean you need to be full of yourself – just more sure of yourself.

3. Be Friendly and positive

It’s better to be friendly and to have a smile ready at all times.

No one wants to approach someone who looks miserable.

That will scare any guy away because you are not showing that you are open to smiling, never mind a conversation.

If you cultivate a reputation for being a caring and kind person that is easy to talk to, you will be able to strike up friendships and relationships easily.

4. Be respectful to everyone

If you are respectful and honor all those around you, it will reveal much about your character and personality and if this is who you really are you will be able to attract and keep this type of man in your life.

A Christian man looking for a potential partner will want to learn to see what the lady he is interested in is like, what her reputation is and how she treats others before engaging in a relationship with her.

If the lady in question is rude and has no respect for others, he may think that she will treat him in the same way.

More importantly, being rude and disrespectful to others may send a message to him that you are not the loving, Godly woman he is looking for.

5. Love God

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. – Matthew 22:37

Something that will attract a true man of God, is your true relationship with God.

A Christian man will admire a lady who loves God, is spirit-filled and isn’t afraid to get lost in worship and be free in the presence of God.

You don’t need to feel as though you may be making a fool of yourself when you outwardly express the love you have for your King, but can be assured that by expressing this feeling outwardly, you are first of all, doing something that is natural and loved by God, and any Christian man who is made aware of your complete love of God will see the beauty of your relationship with God as well.

6. Serve willingly

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. – Hebrews 13:16

While you may not feel your little job is important by being a member of the worship team or making tea or coffee after the service, it is.

Only people who are willing to take responsibility for others and who truly love the church volunteer for these jobs.

In large congregations, you may never meet all the people in your church but by serving, you are creating an opportunity to meet more members of the congregation and allowing them the opportunity to meet you as well.

The way in which you serve will also be of merit – if you grumble about how much mess there is to clean up etc. people will wonder why you are even bothering but if you serve out of love and wanting to help build God’s kingdom, you will show yourself to be genuine and will find it easier to build relationships with those around you who are serving in His kingdom for the same purpose.

All the good things can easily be added to you by God when you put yourself in a position for Him to lead you to a Godly relationship.

7. Be who you want people to believe you are

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 6:1

A man of God will be able to recognize a true woman of God.

If you’re practicing good deeds and faking the faith only when people are watching, at some point you’re going to slip up and expose the real you.

A real man of God will be watching you to see if you are the Godly woman you claim to be.

So be the Godly person you want to attract.

Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly about you, no one would believe them!

Remember in all this, put God first, put yourself second and your potential partner will come along at the right time and in the right place and you will find yourself connecting with a true man of God who is attracted to you for you and not for how you dress and what he may get out of it.

7 Benefits Of Couples Praying Together

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“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” – Matthew 18:20

Recently, couple prayer has been the topic of increasing research.

Many married couples who have relied on prayer in addressing marital problems report that using prayer in their marriage tends to increase their level of satisfaction within the marriage.

Many couples report that prayer left a constant impression upon their thoughts and actions throughout the day, making their interaction more positive.

Researchers have discovered what people of faith everywhere have known for some time: married couples receive strength from prayer.

But how does prayer strengthen marriages?

According to research, prayer has the following effects on marriage relationships…

1. Prayer keeps you humbled

When you’re humbled, your heart is open to change and growth.

You have a renewed willingness to work to stay together.

When we pray, we are showing our reverence for God and each other. It’s hard to be judgmental and argumentative when you’re in that stance because prayer removes selfishness.

2. Prayer Helps with forgiveness

Again, when you are humbled in your prayer position, your heart opens to understanding instead of accusing.

Prayer has a calming effect. It soothes emotions and helps angry couples resolve conflicts easier.

As couples draw nearer to God and decide to pray, their hearts and feelings are softened.

When you pray through the hurt together, then you’re on the road forgiveness.

3. Prayer breeds appreciation

When you thank God for the blessings in your life, your spouse (no matter how frustrated you may be with him) will eventually make the list.

When you show your appreciation for him, he will show it for you, and you will begin to create a list of “loves” rather than “annoyances”.

4. Prayer Strengthens the Bond

Prayer not only opens communication between you and God, it strengthens the bonds of marriage.

Studies have found the old adage, “Couples that pray together, stay together” to be true.

In a recent poll from Gallup it was revealed that “among married couples who attend church together regularly, the divorce rate is one out of two. That is the same statistic for marriages outside the church.

However, among married couples who pray together daily, the divorce rate drops to one out of 1,153.”  Prayer reinforces the connection between couples and as a result, marriages are strengthened!

5. Prayer Encourages Unity

As we come before God as a couple, we are coming as a team and reminding ourselves that we are on the same side.

Team players have common goals and direction. Couples Praying together reinforces those goals and that connection.

When we offer our prayers to God together we are naturally aligning our hearts as couples for one shared hope and outcome.

Holding your spouse’s hands is a physical portrayal of unity. Praying with your spouse provides spiritual unity through God. Physical unity and spiritual unity are ties that bind and are not easily broken.

6. Prayer Invites God into Your Relationship

When God is at the center of our marriage, we have a “built in” compass and guide.

God gives direction and wisdom that we as couples long for in our relationship.

By praying together we are inviting God into our relationship and welcoming His hand on our lives.

He will bring healing and joy as He tenderly leads us on the path He has set out for us.

7. Prayer Changes Things

I’m not saying that couples who pray together have a perfect relationship.

But I will say that even during the hard times, prayer gives you hope.

Marriages that are struggling or in crisis can be mended when God is at its center.  He is always faithful and wants the best for us.

Even good marriages can be made great when we are open to God’s leading and direction through prayer.

How To Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless

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Can you still remember your wedding vows? I guess at the point you were reciting them to your partner, you meant every word of it but never understood that it was going to be a mix of ups and downs. Marriage can be said to be hard and takes commitment from both partners to make it work.

Have you been fighting lately? Do you see your marriage going steadily on the path of divorce already? Do you want those good old days back? Every marriage goes through the fire sometimes and at this point, it takes more than love to get it back on course especially when several issues come onboard. Love is never enough to solve marital problems.

Is your marriage on the brink of failing? How did you get to this point? I know how It can be especially when kids are involved, but I will like to let you know that divorce isn’t the only option, and you shouldn’t make it an option too. There are a host of other options available.

So many who left their marriages are no happier than when they were in their relationships, so what does that tell you? Some are currently separated yet living in regrets but pride won’t allow them go back or even when they tried, their partners rejected them.

There are a couple of things that I feel you are currently going through that makes you feel your marriage is falling apart. Could it be infidelity, pride, abuse, lack of communication or even lack of time together? You no longer feel attracted to each other, or you just feel irritated by their presence? It could all be taken care of if you are willing to work.

Let’s look at a few things together as we discover how to fix a marriage that is broken. Couples could be staying together and yet be separated, so we are looking not just at couples separated but on marital problems that could lead to divorce and also how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce.

Marriage is not a bed of roses, there are good times as there will always be bad times also but staying through together is the part of the deal that could be hard to keep.

One of the ways you can do this is by Talking. When channels of communication (talk and touch) are closed then it is the beginning of the end of even the most blissful marriages.

I emphasize on this because so many couples hardly communicate and those that do, handle it wrongly thereby missing the point they are trying to make. Others make general conclusions and just assume, forgetting that they are different from their spouse and will definitely see things from different angles.

Communication isn’t about words only, body language, tone of voice and even facial expressions are a part of it and not everyone has the ability to read non-verbal cues which is why I emphasize on verbal communication where partners see face to face and share their interests, plans, opinions and ideas.

When you understand how your partner communicates, it will go a long way. Women are generally emotional beings while men are logical. Men are more direct and mainly pass information but women tend to go emotional on issues putting a lot of actions into play, thereby making it a little complicated for the man to comprehend.

Men could be emotional too but not like women and this is what causes misunderstanding most times because of the different ways we communicate, we tend not to understand how our partners express themselves.

Just know women seek affirmation and connection most of the time, once this is mastered by both partners, then it is the beginning of the end of whatever crises they may be experiencing. This is key and should be put into consideration when trying to know how to fix a marriage that is broken.

Why beat around the bush when you can dialogue in a straightforward manner? So many couples fail here.

Now to how to save your marriage from divorce.

1.  Be Honest With Yourself

I think this is the very first step on how to fix a marriage that is broken. Where exactly are you in your marriage? How did you get here? What events led to the point you are in your marriage? Are you strangers living together or you are both separated by time and distance?

Take a replay of the events you have encountered, troubleshoot and discover where you need mending, fixing, dialogue whatever it is, make a note of it. Marriage can be very tough especially when you are confronted with some unpleasant surprises, yet taking the exit route so quickly isn’t the best option.

What happened to fixing things? What happened to mending things? What happened to your vows of commitment through thick and thin? As long as there’s no abuse of any kind, then I think you should be totally honest with yourself.

Take a look at you and your relationship squarely, don’t be in a rush to end things. I’ve noticed a lot of couples find it difficult to face their challenges, sometimes out of laziness or even a refusal to face their fears. But if you can get past this your marriage can work again.

Another area you need to look into is how did you contribute to the state of your marriage? It will be easy to blame your partner for everything that went wrong but look at the man in the mirror first. That man is you. You are a part of the retrogression in your relationship also. Offenses will definitely come but look past it to things that have been done to hurt you repeatedly.

Remember some of these differences could have occurred because of individual differences. There are some you definitely can’t cope with that your spouse will need to change, but believe me, the truth is there are some things you may have to live with.

Recognise where you need to compromise and meet in the middle. There are compromises married couples need to make when confronted with how to fix a marriage that is broken.

2.  Be Open About It

This is another great step on how to fix a marriage that is broken. This could be really hard especially when things are not as they used to be between you two. But you have to make a commitment to set aside your differences and have an honest talk about what you both are facing.

You don’t have to pretend to be fine, neither do you have to come across as rude by putting forth your displeasure with hurting words. But you two should be free to express yourselves without being interrupted and you should try to use simple words that your mate understands.

Don’t talk about leaving the relationship straight on or asking for divorce, instead tell your partner your concerns and it’s getting to you. Give examples of issues that have occurred, Tell them you feel things are not like they used to be and you are sharing how you feel about it.

You may not have talked about this before so you need to hear their own side. They may be seeing things differently and since you are a team you need to hear them out. State your commitment to making the relationship work and also demand the same from your mate.

Apologise where you need to also and mean it. Just say it. Commit to making your actions follow through so that your mate can believe you.

3.  Focus On Making The Relationship Work

By this, I mean determining to make the relationship work by deciding not to trade blame. When you keep looking at what your partner did and overlooking yours, issues will hardly ever be resolved. While you learn to take responsibility for your actions, try to avoid the blame trade game.

Own up and apologize and where you have been wronged, state clearly. Meet in the middle of your offense, commit to taking correction, it’s not about who’s right or wrong anymore but about your commitment.

After misunderstandings with my man sometimes, I sit back to reflect and find out that most misunderstandings stem from our ego, inability to let go and the need to always be right and our partners wrong. I then decided to try and work on seeking peace and preserving our bond instead of being right and losing my mate.

Want to get back your mate, read along as you discover more ways on how to fix a marriage that is broken.

4.  Commit To Giving Your All

This appears hard to do sometimes but commitments demand 100 percent always, 50 won’t do. When you place commitment above your individual differences, it will be easier to love and cherish your spouse. You will see them as top on your priority list.

In the process of trying to know how to fix a marriage that is broken, you both should express your expectations and both work towards meeting each other’s needs and where there will be constraints, it should be expressed so that hopes are not raised and dashed. By doing this, you recognize where you both failed and commit to avoiding repetition in the future.

When you can clearly express your needs and understand the needs of your spouse, then you are well on your way of knowing how to fix a marriage that is broken.

5.  Take A Trip Back In Time

Another step on how to fix a marriage that is broken is to recall sweet memories of times you had together, your dating years and when you just got married. Your mate was probably never like this.

Could they be under pressure, could it be that they are experiencing failed expectations or even faced with the reality of what it means to be married? Then you need to be understanding. Learn to touch your mate again like you used to, learn to play and laugh out loud as well.

Don’t hold back on complimenting them for kind gestures no matter how little, compliment the wrinkles that appeared on their face as a result of what you have been through together, compliment the bulging stomach that refused to return after childbirth, commend the balding process on your man’s head as a result of the times he had to stay awake thinking of how to pay the bills.

There will always be something to compliment, search it out. You can succeed in your journey of how to fix a marriage that is broken if you put your heart into it.

6.  Go Past The Pain

Begin to seek for channels to rejuvenate. Go on outings, take out time to explore nature sometimes together, take a trip together, just be in each other’s face, spend time together. Forget about the issues you are currently facing. Put your love and commitment towards each other above the pain you are experiencing.

Concentrate more on each other and do things for each other. The essence of this is to make you both bond again. Your misunderstandings have created a chasm between you two that you need to close up.

Talk more of those traits you love the most about your partner, focus on their strengths while you are enjoying your vacation together. Relive old times, dredge up memories, tell stories of your earlier times together, play and laugh together. This is one of the ways on how to fix a marriage that is broken.

7.  Go For Counseling

There are professionals and experts when it comes to relationship and marital issues, why not talk to them? You may be ‘team’ I don’t want anybody in my business, but how far have you come trying to fix things yourself?

Don’t ignore help to save your drowning relationship when one is readily available. It could be a great decision to learn how to fix a marriage that is broken from the experts.

Why do you need one you may be asking? Seeing a counsellor will help you see things from their own point of view. You have been fixed on yours for a long time now, try seeing things from another point of view.

Counsellors are experienced and understand some challenges you may be having, their advice would come in handy. I know sometimes your partner may not want help especially when it seems as if their mind is made up, but it takes just one person who is committed to make things work.

Until you give up, you can still save your marriage. This is how to save a marriage when only one is trying.

8.  Take A Break

While you are focusing on your marriage, can you just take a break and return to yourself? I mean, this has a lot more to do with you than your partner. If you are broken then you also need healing and in fact, you come first so you can be strong to heal your marriage.

Now you have realised all you did or didn’t do that brought about the break down of your marriage and you are beginning to take steps on how to fix a marriage that is broken but you also need to heal. You need to work on yourself too.

Your self-esteem may have been marred, your creativity dampened and even self-love may have been reduced to the barest minimum, but you really need to come back to yourself.

9.  Follow Your Instincts

Women are generally gifted when it comes to understanding gut feelings. It has personally saved me from several unpleasant situations or giving me prior knowledge before it comes to the open. I say this because of issues of infidelity and cheating. Here, I’m not just referring to women only but both genders.

Are you on the edge of divorce because your spouse cheated or you suspect they are cheating? Do you have proof or they are mere speculations or assumptions? Pardon my choice of words as I am not mocking your pain but trying to get to the heart of how you feel currently. Permit me to say that your spouse cheated doesn’t mean you should end your marriage.

There are a few things to understand when it comes to infidelity in marriage. The reason partners cheat ranges from a whole lot of issues. From lack of care, attention to lack of satisfaction or even failed expectations, I could go on and on but that’s not why I’m writing.

I’m writing to tell you that your marriage can still work. I’m not in any way making excuses for your spouse for cheating on you but I’m saying you can decide not to allow it to break your bond.

I believe you must have passed the confrontation point where you contributed your spouse and they owned up or did not even own up and now you are left with the option of staying or leaving. Could you try the following steps as you try all you can on how to fix a broken marriage after cheating.

A.  Ask Your Partner If They Are Willing To start All Over Again With You

Better put, this is a straightforward way of asking your spouse if they will rather stay with you or break ties with their partner. If they are ready to fix what’s left of your marriage, then they should be willing to let go of their partners.

Their relationship outside has got to stop. There also has to be proof and they should be willing to go the extra mile to prove that they can be trusted again. That means there have to be changes in their way of life. They may be open with their phones, stop keeping late nights or keep their conversations with people open.

B.  Renew Your Commitment To Loving Them Again

This may be a very difficult thing to do especially when trust has been broken but you can do it. Let your partner know you love them and you are willing to go all the way with them if they commit completely to you.

C.  Learn To Trust Again

I understand that the picture of them being with someone else the whole time you trusted them will keep playing in your head but you really need to move past this. Begin to watch for changes and try to believe that they have changed. Let go of the past.

The way you relate with them can encourage them to begin to feel completely at ease with you and being better spouses again. This is how to fix a broken marriage after cheating.

10.  Fan The Flames Of Romance Again

Do not shy away from this aspect. You are committed to each other, the need to be loved, cared for, appreciated and complimented also but all these will work better when romance is rekindled again. It may begin from a few light kisses and to several touches before you can hit it off as lovers again especially when you have both stayed away from each other.

You do not need to rush things, take it one step at a time and gain the trust of your partner by being loving and caring, that way you could win their hearts.

Bringing back marriage from the trenches of divorce is no child’s play. It requires work, commitment and the desire to see through to the end. What will keep you going through it all is the commitment you made to stay with each other regardless of the wind life blows at you.

It’s going to be hot sometimes and cold some other time but being focused and being willing to see the best in each other will take you through.

Don’t be deceived into thinking there is someone out there better than your spouse. As true as this may sound, remember you are not married to them and your partner choose you instead of them.

So, roll up your sleeves and get into your toolbox, search for mechanisms on how to fix a marriage that is broken. I’m waiting to read your success story.

13 Ways to Get the Relationship You Want

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Whether you’re fully submerged in the dating world and swiping left and right on Tinder, or you’re in a committed LTR with a few hiccups and unnecessary fights here and there, we can all use a little room for improvement when it comes to our dating lives. In fact, your love life should not leave you exhausted, strained, or questioning like a particularly dramatic episode of Sex and the City. It should leave you happy, energized, and inspired. If it’s not, you have some work to do.

If you are single with no desire to settle down (though I utterly despise that saying), more power to you. You’ve achieved the life most of us wish we could, and this article is not for you. But if you’re currently in a relationship, or are looking for a relationship, here’s how to make it the happiest relationship of your life:

1. Change your mindset.

I, too, am guilty of never internally taking the blame for setbacks in my dating life. It’s so much easier to complain with friends (“why are all boys so stupid!?”) or point out flaws in my partner that are “limiting us from achieving utter happiness!” But let’s get real — the only person in the world you can control is yourself. Once you realize that, and I don’t mean read it off of this article on The Everygirl, but I mean really realize that, you see the power in changing the way you think, instead of hoping the people around you change.

If you’re looking for a relationship, first know what you deserve, and don’t make any exceptions (more on that below). Also reflect on the patterns that might be limiting you from finding the right person — are you insecure and not really open to dating, or are you only considering the same type of person you know is wrong for you? If you are in a relationship, focus on what you can be doing to make the relationship stronger. Often times, when we see the good in people, it brings out even more good. The same goes with your relationships — see the good, and the other person will be motivated to become better as well.

2. Brutal honesty is the best policy.

One of the best lessons I’ve learned from my current relationship is that the best relationships in the world have to have brutal honesty. If you don’t feel you can be totally transparent with the person you’re with — whether it’s out of worry that their feelings will be hurt/they’ll get mad, or that they will judge your true self — you might not be with the right person. You will feel pitfalls and doubts in even good relationships, and being able to talk through and work through the most hurtful doubts with your partner (with support and understanding) is what separates a long-lasting, happy relationship from a breakup.

If you’re dating, brutal honesty is key to finding the right relationship. Share your deepest fears and dreams early on. If you don’t like Thai food or think football is boring, don’t pretend to like it to get someone else to like you. One day you’ll find someone who hates Pad Thai as much as you do, and would rather watch the Cooking Channel than NFL — and you’ll be so happy you never settled for less.

3. Know your deal breakers.

In order to get the relationship you want, you need to know the relationship you want. Think of the factors that are so deeply and utterly important to you that you wouldn’t be willing to compromise under any circumstances. This is not your list of “dream” traits. This is a list of non-negotiables. Think: doesn’t wants children, isn’t nice to servers, misogynistic, or doesn’t have a good sense of humor. Don’t consider someone who has any of your deal breakers, and if you’re in a relationship, trust that everyone has flaws — as long as all of your deal breakers are met, work on loving your person through their flaws and getting better together.

4. Love being alone.

It may sound counterintuitive since the point of this article is, indeed, how to successfully partner up. But more attractive to potential or current partners than the way you look is the confidence you exude. Plus, enjoying your alone time will ensure you’re in a relationship for the right reasons, and that you won’t settle for less than you want and deserve in order to stop being alone.

Be so in love with your own life that you’d rather be in a happy relationship with yourself than a toxic relationship with anyone else. Take yourself out to dinner, read a great book, or make yourself a nice bath at home. Also work on fulfilling your own needs — if you’re insecure, don’t expect your partner to make you feel better and get angry at them when they don’t know how to. In fact, don’t need anything from your partner at all. Enjoy them and let them make you a better person, but don’t expect them to fill any holes.

5. Fight the right way.

The honest truth, even in the dream relationship you’ve always wanted, is that you will fight. It’s about the way you fight that makes all the difference in the health and happiness of your relationship. Make requests instead of complaints, take turns talking, and know when to take a pause when the argument gets too heated. As a couple, work on improving the way you disagree as much as you work on the other aspects of your relationship, even when it isn’t necessarily romantic or fun.

6. Ask “how’s your day?” every day.

One of the simplest and most important things you could do to improve your relationship is to ask your partner “how was your day?” and actually care about the answer. Perfect the art of conversation — know how to make your partner feel heard, ask follow-up questions instead of just listening to what they have to say, and share your opinions or thoughts once they’re done sharing with you. When your partner feels like you care about more than you have to, and actually want to be a part of everything they do, it subconsciously creates a new level of teamwork, love, and intimacy.

7. Be more affectionate.

Speaking of intimacy, physical affection may not be the determining factor between a happy, life-long relationship and a short, toxic one (we all knew that on-again-off-again couple in high school that would make out by the lockers far too often), but it is what separates a close friendship from a lasting romance. You won’t always feel the “passion” you once did in the beginning of your relationship (and if you do, please DM me for your secrets), but a little bit goes a long way when keeping the spark alive. Hold hands, kiss outside of your routine (meaning more often than just to say “goodbye” or “goodnight”), and hug often.

8. Care more about the way your partner responds to conflict than the conflict itself.

Back to that “flaws” thing — everyone has them, and your relationship will always have them (yes, even if you follow this article’s advice). Everyone makes mistakes and everyone can be impacted by negative emotions or fears. If your partner responds to your hurt feelings or anger with genuine support, understanding, and remorse, and cares more about your feelings than about being right, forgive them. Don’t bring up past fights or mistakes, and think about each disagreement like it’s you two against the problem (instead of you against them).

9. Learn each other’s stress patterns.

Even if you’re the two most compatible people on the planet, it’s likely that you deal with stress in different ways. And guess what — stress is not going away when you achieve that perfect relationship or find the perfect person. You’ll still come home from work angry about what your boss said at the meeting, and they’ll still get road rage when they’re running late in traffic. Knowing how the other person wants their stress to be handled makes all the difference. Communicate if you’d rather them listen when you vent, or if you want help fixing a problem. Also share how you’d feel most acknowledged in your moments of stress — even something simple will make you feel like you can lean on your partner, and vice versa.

10. Show love through your partner’s love language

So the ability to be loving is obviously crucial in a happy relationship, right? But what about the ability to be loving in not just your language, but in your partner’s? Yes, the good ol’ reliable love languages — my favorite relationship quiz of all time. If you haven’t heard of the life-changing love life phenomenon, learn about it here, and think of ways to show love to your partner that corresponds with their love language. If it’s Words of Affirmation, plan to randomly text them compliments throughout the week; if it’s Acts of Service, do their laundry before they get home. Showing love in the way that your partner feels it is one of the greatest secrets to relationship success.

11. Work on goals together.

Don’t just focus on making each other happy in the relationship — think of how to feel more fulfilled in all areas of life, and then pursue your goals together. Whether that’s brainstorming together for your new project at work or hitting the gym and eating better when your partner wants to be healthier, accomplish what you want out of life with their support, and be there however you can with what they’re trying to achieve. Help each other become the best version of yourselves for a fulfilling life.

12. Say “thank you” every day.

Any relationship expert will tell you that gratitude is the secret to a happy relationship. In order to keep seeing the glass half full in your relationship (even when the kids are screaming, the bills are piling up, and the glass is so not full), make it a habit to wake up every day and think of three things you’re grateful for in your partner, and tell them those things. Say thank you often, whether it’s for out of the ordinary occurrences (like planning a date night) or part of the everyday routine you expect of them (like unloading the dishwasher or walking the dog so you get to sleep in an extra 10 minutes).

13. Create an intention by asking yourself what kind of person you want to be.

OK, so this sounds like a quote straight out of a self-help book, but hear me out — research has shownthat this simple question could be a gateway to achieving the kind of love you want — more specifically, ask yourself what kind of partner you want to be. Asking the question is not just about seeking out the right kind of partner, it actually gives you intention in navigating your relationships. It’s basically a vessel to self-connection, helping you criticize less and love more.

Have you tried any of these tips and tricks to get the relationship that you want?