I’ve always believed that there is no such thing as a soulmate or such a thing as finding “the one.” I think those are romanticized versions of love and relationships, and it gets us stuck looking at preferences more than character and values.
I also believe that sometimes it causes us to unfairly compare our new mates with our old mates, instead of embracing the fact that they are different people. We think we found the gold standard in a mate and if someone new doesn’t meet all of those standards, we think they are lacking. Well, here are some things, in which you should stop comparing your NEXT to your EX.
1) Comparing Sex Game
Different people do sex differently! Maybe your ex blew your mind, but part of that may be because they knew what made you tick and what turned you on. If your new mate isn’t at that level immediately, instead of comparing him or her to your ex, give some time and learn each other and communicate with one another so that you can satisfy one another.
2) Comparing Family
Sometimes you can get really close to someone’s family, and they become like your family. Maybe they were very close and showed a lot of love and had a lot of traditions and such. The only thing is that not everyone’s family is like that; not everyone’s family is as close, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care about one another. You may walk into a new relationship where this is the case, so instead of comparing the new family to the old family try to understand where they are coming from and how they operate.
3) Comparing Income/Job Level
Your ex may have made six figures or more and lived a certain lifestyle. Maybe this meant that you were used to exotic trips, extravagant gifts and other experiences. If your new mate isn’t as financially capable…is that a problem for you? Sometimes, we equate income with someone being a good mate. But you forgot that you and your ex didn’t necessarily work out in spite of that lifestyle you got used to. You may have to adjust some things if the new boo isn’t balling like the old one. Your “lifestyle” may change a little, but if you’re happy, it might be worth it!
4) Comparing Physical Features
Maybe he had a six-pack and maybe she had double D breasts. Maybe she had legs that were lean and long; maybe he was extra tall, extra dark and extra handsome. Maybe you need to stop if you are missing these old things, wishing that your new mate has them as well. But it probably ain’t gonna happen! Sometimes, what we are “used to” in a mate makes us believe it’s the only standard. But at some point, we may need to step out of our comfort zones and open ourselves up to a new normal…one that might be even BETTER than we we are used to.
Truth of the matter is no one wants to be compared either directly or indirectly to someone in your past. Your new mate wants to believe that you are into him or her and happy with them as is—with no regard to those who came before. If you wanted your ex, you should have stayed with your ex; but the comparisons have to stop or you might just be cheating yourself out of true love!
Are you still comparing all others to one particular ex?