My journey to find love hasn’t been an easy one. I’ve spent the past several years being disappointed. I’ve been broken up with without words, I’ve been given the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech more times than I can count and I’ve been mind fucked more times than I ever imagined. Even though I’ve let my guard down so many times only to be left hurt, I won’t let it define me. How my relationships have ended aren’t a reflection on me, and I won’t let my heartbreaks drag me down.
1. IT WASN’T THE RIGHT TIME.I used to always wonder why everything always kept coming to an end. It was as if I was entering new relationships knowing that sooner or later, they’d crumble in front of me like all the rest before, and I’d blame myself every time. Then I realized that getting down on myself isn’t only self sabotaging, it’s also a complete waste of time. I know who I am, what I want and what I have to offer — and no guy who broke up with me can take that away. It just isn’t my time yet.
2. MY STORY IS STILL UNFOLDING.Every single experience I’ve had is part of something bigger. These hiccups and trainwrecks along the way all play a part in painting my forever story perfectly, and that suits me just fine. I don’t want the easy, paint by numbers kind of love, I want the fucking Mona Lisa — a masterpiece.
3. ONE DAY I’M GOING TO LOOK BACK AND LAUGH AT THE BULLSHIT.It always sucks at the time, when I’m faced with yet another break up speech or a guy who ghosts me like the coward he is, but one day I’m going to look back at all the bullshit while I’m tucked into bed next to the right guy for me and laugh at how I wasted so much of my energy being disappointed about and by guys who weren’t worth the Kleenex.
4. I CAN’T CHANGE SOMEONE’S MIND AND I WON’T TRY TO. It’s possible I’m going to face even more disappointments ahead and that’s totally cool with me too. I’ve finally realized that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s OK. I can spend my time giving a shit about it or do the better thing, which is to give zero fucks at all. If a guy isn’t into me, there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’m going to keep moving forward towards the one guy who will love me forever.
5. I’VE BECOME STRONGER BECAUSE OF MY DISAPPOINTMENTS.I truly believe I was meant to experience the shitstorms that I have because without them, I wouldn’t be the strong and badass woman I am today. It took years of being broken down and building myself back up again to get here, but going through those times has made me realize that I can handle any disappointment that comes my way. A guy breaking up to me isn’t the end of the world — he’s just inching me one step closer to what’s truly meant for me.
6. I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF.I choose to believe that no matter how many times I’ve been dumped, I’m still an amazing person and a woman worth loving. Just because a guy broke up with me doesn’t mean I’m not good enough for anyone. It just means that he wasn’t looking for me in the long run and I’m on the way to the guy who is.
7. ONE DAY IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE.I’ve spent a lot of time banging my head against the wall, questioning how and why one person has to go through all of this constant heartache and feelings of rejection. Eventually, I realized that I don’t need to try and figure it out or dissect myself to pinpoint what I’m doing wrong. I’m good enough as I am and one day everything is going to make complete sense. Even through my letdowns, my life has always found a way to work itself out for the better, and love will be no different.
8. BEING NEGATIVE ROBS ME OF MY PRESENT JOY.I have no time to be negative or down on myself just because I’ve been dumped a few too many times. I’d rather live in the moments and be happy and proud of who I am despite all the bullshit I’ve been met with. It shows I’m not only strong, I’m also a survivor.
9. I KNOW MY WORTH.I know that I’m an amazing person on the inside and out, and getting down on the fact that I’ve been dumped a lot only takes away the excitement of what I have yet to experience. I’ve been dumped a lot, and I might even be dumped a few more times before I finally get it right, but one thing is for sure: I won’t let the past take away from my future. I won’t let the bullshit drag me down.