We’re always complaining about how men are ruining dating by using dating apps to troll for hook-ups and completely lacking in the romance department. These days, “Netflix and chill” has somehow become an acceptable first date activity, but we can’t blame that all on the male gender. While it’s great that women feel more confident in looking for casual sex and making the first move, you have to admit that those things have changed what dating means now, too. We’re all responsible for letting Tinder take over, so we can’t exactly say guys ruined dating all on their own. Here’s how we women are responsible, too:
1. Accepting the bare minimum. Sometimes we genuinely just want a no-strings-attached hook-up, and that’s one thing. But how many times have you settled for a casual relationship with a guy you really wanted more with? If a guy can get what he wants without committing, why would he work any harder than he has to? As my mom would say, “He isn’t going to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free.”
2. Playing the game just as hard. Things like waiting at least two hours to respond to a text, never being available for a spontaneous date, and never acting too interested are just contributing to the diluted idea of dating we all subscribe to these days. Rules are made to be broken, so stop planning every move you make — it’s insincere, and you’re crazy if you think he doesn’t notice those things.
3. Using guys for a free dinner. We’ve all heard of those girls who are on Tinder just looking for unsuspecting guys to take them on a date. Those types of girls are giving all girls a bad name. All the genuinely nice guys out there are going to stop trying if all they ever find are girls who use them for their ability to pay for dinner.
4. Ghosting. Thanks to texting, the most popular way to convey you aren’t interested in someone is complete radio silence. Why bother being upfront when you can just ignore them until they get the hint? It may be easier, but it still isn’t nice. We should all make an effort to start treating guys, even the ones we aren’t interested in, the way we want to be treated.
5. Going for guys who treat us like shit. Guys notice that girls always “go for jerks”. So can we really blame them for acting like an asshole to get a girl? Obviously, that’s an overly simplified way to look at it, but guys aren’t big on mixed signals. If they see us choosing guys who treat us badly, they’re natural going to think that’s what we like.
6. Stringing guys along. Even worse than ghosting is leading a guy on even though you’re pretty sure you aren’t interested. Friend-zoning is one thing, but making him think he has a chance just so you can keep him around as a back up plan is going too far. If a guy did that to you, you wouldn’t be happy, so why do we do it to them?
7. Being way too controlling. A relationship should be about compromise and mutual respect. You can’t change a guy, and telling him what to do and how to behave isn’t going to go over well. No wonder guys are afraid of commitment — they see their friends who are in relationships being treated like slaves and they think, “I’ll never date a woman like that.” So your job is to not be a woman like that.
8. Letting jealousy get the best of us. If he’s never given you a reason not to trust him, then why are you so suspicious? It’s hard not to carry baggage from previous relationships with you, but he’d appreciate it a lot more if you gave him the benefit of the doubt. No guy is going to want to get serious about a girl who can’t control her jealousy.
9. Always looking for something better. Everyone, male and female, is guilty of this these days, thanks to Tinder. It’s so easy to dismiss someone based on the smallest thing because there are hundreds more options just a swipe away. We could all stand to give people more of a chance before deciding they aren’t for us.
10. Judging based on superficial things. We’re always accusing guys of being shallow, but girls can be just as bad. Why else do you think there are so many guys on Tinder who’s profiles says nothing but their height? They know girls care a ridiculous amount about height. Which has literally nothing to do with what kind of person he is.